Starring :
----------
Captain John-Luke Ricard, who always baldly goes where everyone already went
before, aboard his (t)rusty old bucket, the starship LESSERPRIZE ;
Commander Bill Piker, First Officer ("Number One"), whose primary job is to
maintain a poker face, giving the impression to be extremely important
without ever having to do anything even remotely useful ;
Lieutenant-Commander Beta, the android who desperately tries to imitate the
silliness of his crewmates - and sometimes sadly succeeds admirably ;
Lieutenant Morf, Chief of Security, who growls a lot in Cling-On language and
continuously wants to drop dead with a lot of honour ;
Lieutenant-Commander Jordi LaGorge, Chief Engineering, the techno-babbling
engineer who enjoys looking through a hair-band and who obtained such
a high degree in space-time theory, that he can repair a systems
failure even before it occurs ;
Doctor Beverage Flusher, head of medical staff, who is usually more concerned
with her good looks than with her patients (except when it's a good-
looking male, of course) ;
Counselor Dianne Toy, the ship's partly telepathic adviser, who has to take
care of everyone's emotional problems, but who can't get rid of her
own eternal obsession with chocolate.
Special guest : Björk as "Birch"...
RICARD : "Captain's log, stardate 47823.2. The Lesserprize is on its way to Science Station "Parabolus", named after the gigantic parabolic mirror that is being constructed as part of a most ambitious project : to build the world's first telescope, able to view even microscopically small objects at distances measuring billions of light-years. We are to make up a report of the station's progress. [sighing] But to be honest... I would really rather go on an archeological expedition on Rijel IV, where there are the most extraordinary remnants from the civilization of the ancient... hmmm. Computer, delete last sentence and close log." COMPUTER : "Log closed." Thoughtful, yet determined, Ricard leaves his quarters and enters the Bridge... RICARD : "Ensign, set coordinates 4-7-3, warp factor 7. Engage!" PIKER : "Captain? Why are we changing course? I thought we were supposed to check up on Science Station Parabolus?" MORF : "Those are the coordinates of Rijel IV, in an almost opposite direction to the Science Station..." PIKER : "May I ask why we are going there, Sir?" RICARD [upset] : "When I decide to change course and go to Rijel IV, then that's precisely where we're going! Or does anyone feel like questioning my orders?" All the officers look at Ricard in amazement, shocked by the unusual outburst from their captain... PIKER [philosophic] : "Everybody relax. We are probably being sent on a secret mission by StarForce, and the captain isn't allowed to tell us about it." BETA : "There have been no messages from StarForce since we received our previous assignment, which was to go to the Parabolus station." RICARD [nervously laughing] : "StarForce...! Ha! I don't give a damn about what they "want" us to do... [sweating] I'm sick and tired of going on these insignificant missions! This ship was built to explore the universe, not to aimlessly wander from one Starbase to another..." PIKER [surprised] : "Am I to understand that you are deliberately disobeying orders from StarForce, Sir?" RICARD : "As usual, you do not "understand" anything! You have no idea what it's like, having to follow orders to the letter for all those years, without ever having the luxury of really going out there and exploring to your heart's content... Being a simple errand-boy for StarForce is not what I signed up for!" PIKER : "You are behaving irrationally, Sir! I'm afraid it's my duty to relieve you from command!" Ricard feels threatened and draws his phaser... RICARD [breathing heavily] : "Nobody move! Or I will... aaghh..." The captain of the Lesserprize starts to feel extremely weak and eventually blacks out... But the next moment, he finds himself entering the Bridge, just as he did before the incident. Counselor Toy steps out of the turbolift and senses that something is bothering him. TOY : "Captain? Are you alright?" RICARD : "Er... I don't know... I guess I was day-dreaming, but I could have sworn that it was real..." TOY : "You seem tired. Maybe you should get some rest." RICARD : "Yes... I will do that. Thank you, Counselor... You have the Bridge, Number One." PIKER [pleased] : "Yes, Sir." TOY : "Well, you look happy. I sense a deep calmness within you." PIKER : "You're right, I'm feeling quite content with the way things are going at the moment." TOY : "Er... but there ISN'T anything going on right now..." PIKER [with a big smile] : "Exactly! There's nothing better than being in command and not having to worry about anything." TOY : "I see..." PIKER : "Ah... this reminds me of when I was young, running around in the garden with my faithful dog, Soldier. I called him that because he was so good at obeying my orders. Yeah, I already knew then that I would one day become a great commander..." TOY : "I can just picture it before me... you playing around with Soldier, wrestling in the summergreen grass..." PIKER : "You got that right! I remember one day, when it had just rained, that we were playing near a big pool of mud, so I stood between him and the pool to prevent him from falling in, 'cos I knew he couldn't swim..." TOY : "Oh? I hope nothing happened to Soldier?" PIKER : "Actually, he jumped up to me and I fell in the mud..." TOY : "It was one of those large dogs, wasn't it? A Dobermann or a shepherd's dog or something...?" PIKER : "Er... actually, it was a poodle..." TOY : "Must have been a huge poodle..." PIKER : "Besides, I wonder where he's hiding at the moment..." TOY : "Pardon?" PIKER : "Ah... there he is! Come, Soldier! Come here, boy!" To everyone's astonishment, a small grey poodle suddenly jumps from behind Beta's chair and runs straight to Piker, who is not at all surprised and playfully gives Soldier a good cuddle. Hearing the excitement on the Bridge, Ricard opens the door of his quarters and cannot believe his eyes when he sees Piker hugging his pet... RICARD [upset] : "What the devil...?! Commander! Haven't I told you that animals and children are not allowed on my Bridge! Get that... that... THING out of my sight!" PIKER [surprised] : "But Sir, have you forgotten that you made an exception for Soldier?" RICARD : "Exception? "Soldier"? I have no idea what you're talking about! Now get rid of the damn thing!" PIKER : "Dianne, tell him! Surely YOU must..." TOY : "I'm sorry, Bill, but I haven't got a clue about what's happening here, although I can sense that you are being sincere..." PIKER [bemused] : "...Alright, Soldier, off you go... run along to our quarters..." But instead of leaving the Bridge, the dog lifts its leg against that of his master and performs one of its basic needs... TOY [amused] : "Well, "great commander", it seems you lost your touch..." PIKER [not so amused] : "My uniform...! "Man's best friend", hell!" Piker notices that something is wrong and starts to feel dizzy... TOY : "Bill? Are you alright?" RICARD : "Doctor Flusher to the Bridge! Emergency!" Flusher enters the Bridge and starts examining the dog... FLUSHER : "As far as I can tell, the dog is perfectly fine..." RICARD [frustrated] : "It's Piker who needs your care, not the damn dog!" PIKER [breathing heavily] : "What's... happening to me?" FLUSHER : "You look wide awake and you have a very healthy colour... You're definitely severely ill, alright. Here, I will give you..." But before the doctor has a chance to do anything, Piker gives a last gasp and falls unconscious... Yet, the next moment, he's sitting on his chair, as if nothing happened... PIKER [bewildered] : "Where is Soldier? And Ricard was standing there..." TOY : "What? Bill, what are you talking about? One minute you were feeling at peace with yourself, and all of a sudden I sense so much confusion within you..." PIKER : "I... Where is my dog...?" TOY : "Your dog?! But you don't have a dog!" PIKER : "Doctor Flusher was here a minute ago... and she examined Soldier! So she can tell you that he was real!" TOY : "I'm afraid I haven't seen doctor Flusher either... Bill, I'm worried about you. Why don't you go and see doctor Flusher right now, so she can tell you herself if she was here or not?" PIKER : "Alright, I'll do that. Mr. Beta, the Bridge is yours." Piker heads towards Sickbay, but suddenly feels like going to his quarters, and so he does... Meanwhile, Ricard has returned to the Bridge, as the Lesserprize prepares to dock at Science Station Parabolus. RICARD : "So you say that commander Piker had some kind of hallucination? To be honest, I think I had a similar experience, just before you told me to go and rest a while. Maybe it's all due to some kind of space anomaly..." TOY : "It's a possibility. Maybe it has something to do with the Science Station." RICARD : "Mr. Beta, can you detect anything unusual?" BETA : "The station is emitting a high amount of tetrion particles, Sir. These could be the cause for the hallucinations, as they are known to have this effect on unstable and weak minds." RICARD : "Er... thank you, Mr. Beta..." TOY : "You were both probably a bit stressed, which allowed these particles to have this effect on your minds." RICARD [reassured] : "Hmm... I'm sure that's all it was, then." Yet, in Piker's quarters... PIKER : "Oh boy, I'm tired... I think I'm going to lie down a bit..." Piker crawls into bed and turns off the lights. Suddenly, he feels a presence in his room. Close to the wall opposite his bed, he can vaguely distinguish a dark silhouette. As he tries to get out of the bed, he becomes aware that he is almost completely paralyzed. As he examines the shape more attentively, he gets the impression that he is looking at a young girl. Then, he hears a voice, directly within his mind, but definitely coming from the mysterious figure inside his bedroom. VOICE : "Do not be afraid... My name is Birch... I must warn you about a terrible danger that threatens the whole universe..." The sweet, melodious tone of the voice is in serious contrast to the worrying message that it brings. BIRCH : "The telescope on the station is nearly complete... When it is fully operational, you must use it to locate a certain type of matter, called "protomatter"... It manifests itself as lumps of nearly undetectable and completely immovable material... Only the telescope is able to detect it... If a planet comes into contact with a lump of protomatter, the planet will eventually be squashed or perforated by it, depending on the size of the lump... The only way to destroy it, is by means of a weapon called "the Black Ray"... You must try to find it after you located the protomatter..." When Piker realizes the gravity of the situation, he starts to feel insecure, uncertain of how to deal with all this. BIRCH : "Do not worry... I will guide you..." As the voice says this, Piker notices how the oriental-like features of a face become more apparent within the silhouette. Then, it suddenly vanishes in the same way it has appeared and Piker can move his body again. Still shocked by what happened to him, he gets out of bed and heads for the Bridge... RICARD : "Ah, Number One! Counselor Toy told me about what happened... Everything alright?" Piker tells his crewmates about what happened to him in his quarters. PIKER : "I know it all sounds weird, but it was so real to me! I just can't believe that I simply imagined all of that..." RICARD : "Hmmm... Mr. Beta, do you know anything about a substance called "protomatter"?" BETA [accessing his internal database] : "...Positive, Captain. Scientists in the late 20th century supposed the existence of invisible matter, to explain why the complete mass of the galaxy was much bigger than the total of all observed matter. They called it "dark matter". A hypothesis was then made, that some of this dark matter was formed during the Big Bang, before normal matter. This could explain why this "protomatter", as it was called, has different properties than - and is not affected by - normal matter. However, its existence is purely theoretical. Yet, it is intriguing to speculate on its interaction with energy and..." RICARD : "Er, thank you Mr. Beta, you told us all we need to know..." PIKER : "How could I possibly have known about this, Sir?" RICARD : "Considering your low grades for Scientific Knowledge at StarForce Academy, you simply couldn't have known, so your experience might have been more than just a hallucination after all..." PIKER : "Er... thank you for believing me, Sir." BETA : "The Lesserprize has successfully docked at the Science Station, Sir." RICARD : "Then I guess it's time we went to meet professor Q'Trell, who is in charge of the station." Ricard, accompanied by Piker, Morf and Toy, enter the station, where they are welcomed by Q'Trell. Q'TRELL : "Welcome, Captain! You have arrived just in time for a celebration!" RICARD : "Celebration? You mean...?" Q'TRELL : "Yes, the telescope is almost finished! And while the final adjustments are being made, we are holding a special banquet to celebrate this historical achievement! Naturally, as our guests, you are also invited!" RICARD : "That is most generous of you, professor! We are delighted and gladly accept!" The Away Team is led around the station on a guided tour by professor Q'Trell himself. Along the way, it becomes obvious that most of the crew on Parabolus belong to the alien race called "the Chuac". They have white hair, twisted to a cone, like a huge dot of whipped cream. It contrasts strongly with their dark, chocolate-brown skin. TOY : "Why do they have to look like that? I want some chocolate!" Q'TRELL : "Feeling hungry? Our tour has just about ended, so we can join the others at the banquet." They arrive in a huge hall where the banquet takes place. Everyone walks around alongside large tables of food, from which they can choose what to eat. Ricard is having a chat with Piker as they are putting together their meals, while Toy is already looking forward to desserts (with chocolate as the main ingredient, obviously). The only one who has trouble finding something he likes, is Morf... MORF [moaning to himself, while trying some of the vegetables] : "(Grmbl... all this food is without flavour! Why can't they prepare something stronger, more alive, which resists when you try to eat it? Eating is no fun when there is no challenge... It is the same as with all things in StarForce ; even serving on the Lesserprize is becoming a drag... And haven't I spent enough time being a simple Chief of Security? What has become of me? What happened to my Cling-On instincts? There has to be a change! I can no longer perceive my tame, submissive behaviour as honourable! Yes, I can feel my true Cling-On blood running through my veines...!)" RICARD [to Piker] : "...me and Beverage, we were very close for quite some time, but, you know, our careers at StarForce got in the way, so... But that's an old story. How about you and Toy? Are you still seeing her? Or have you got your eye on someone else these days?" PIKER [smiling] : "As a matter of fact, I have Sir! You'll never guess! [suddenly staring over Ricard's shoulder] It's..." RICARD : "Oh, come on, Bill! Don't be so bashful! You can tell ME!" PIKER : "...Morf..." RICARD [astonished] : "Oh... well, er... You're right! I would never have guessed!" PIKER [distracted] : "What? ...Oh! No, that's not what I meant, Sir. But I believe lieutenant Morf has a problem..." Ricard turns round and sees Morf looking at him in anger, holding his phaser in his hand... RICARD : "Mr. Morf, what's wrong?" MORF : "Everything is wrong! RICARD : "I... do not understand..." MORF : "I have decided that it is time for a personal promotion!" RICARD [puzzled] : "Er... I see... Can't this wait?" MORF : "No! I want this matter settled right now!" RICARD [uneasy] : "Er, alright... Well, you have performed very well in your function as Chief of Security, but I feel it's a bit premature to..." MORF [nervous] : "I do not need your approval! I have decided that the only appropriate way for me to rise in rank, is to do it according to old Cling-On tradition!" As Ricard knows, a Cling-On officer takes the place of his superior by... killing him. Shocked, Ricard realizes too late that Morf means what he says, and soon finds a destructive blast from Morf's phaser perforating his chest... PIKER : "Somebody call a doctor! And I'll need something to stop the bleeding!... You! Give me that bottle of wine!" CHUAC : "Here you are... But how will that help? Maybe you will use the alcohol?..." PIKER : "That's the basic idea..." Piker opens the bottle so he can use it in this crisis situation and... empties it in one go. PIKER : "(hic!) Everything looks much better already!" As Morf looks in horror at his dying captain, he starts to lose his consciousness and blacks out... only to find himself looking at Ricard, who is very much alive and looks back at Morf expectantly... RICARD : "Well Mr. Morf, is there something you wanted to ask me, or do you intend to shoot me with that carrot?" MORF [embarrassed and surprised to see a carrot in his hand] : "Er... no Sir, I... was just checking these vegetables... [trying his best to grin] Nice carrots... interesting flavour..." After the banquet, the Away Team is taken to the Observation Room, where the data from the experimental telescope is retrieved. However, Toy doesn't feel too well... TOY [with a painful expression] : "sorry, Captain, but I believe I have eaten a bit too much... I would like to go and rest a bit, if that's alright?" RICARD : "Of course, Counselor! But be sure to call us if it gets worse." PIKER [concerned] : "Take care of yourself." TOY : "I will, thanks. See you later..." CHUAC : "Please, let me take you to your quarters. This way..." TOY : "Thank you, you are most kind..." CHUAC : "My pleasure... By the way, my name is Duac." TOY : "It's a pleasure meeting you..." As Toy is being led to her quarters by the helpful Chuac, professor Q'Trell starts to explain to the rest of the Away Team how the telescope works. The part of the gigantic telescope that protrudes into the Observation Room, is a large cilinder, reaching from the ceiling to the floor, with a viewscreen attached to it. Q'TRELL [enthusiastic] : "And here it is! We call it "The Beholder", as it can see more than anything else ever devised by mankind! Its most essential component is a huge, near-perfect parabolic mirror, capable of reflecting parallel rays of light through its focal point, where a lens is placed which refracts the light into another lens, through which we can see the image that originates from billions of light- years away from here..." PIKER [whispering to Ricard] : "(I just love all this techno-babble... All you do is pretend to understand everything and then everyone looks up to you...)" RICARD [whispering back] : "(I think that's simply because you're a bit tall...)" Meanwhile, Duac has brought Toy to her quarters... DUAC : "Here we are!" TOY : "I'm much obliged!" DUAC : "You know, I watched you at the banquet... You were very fond of that big chocolate cake, weren't you?" TOY : "Er... yes I was... Why do you ask?" DUAC : "Well... I baked it..." TOY : "Oh! Well, it was delicious! So this is the second time you did me a favour... I'm in your debt!" DUAC : "You have already done enough by eating my cake... Well, I'll better be going then." TOY : "It was a pleasure..." Duac anxiously watches as Toy closes the door to her quarters and then walks away... In the meantime, Chief Engineer Jordi LaGorge has joined the Away Team in the Observation Room. LAGORGE : "...But how can you obtain a clear and accurate image, as the intensity of light diminishes considerably, coming from such large distances? And the colours must look really washed out, surely?" Q'TRELL : "The incoming light is enhanced by specially designed opto-chromatic inducers, placed inside a huge filter in front of the parabolic mirror..." TOY [talking through her communicator] : "Captain...? I need some help... Ahhh..." RICARD : "Number One, see what's wrong with counselor Toy..." PIKER : "I'm on my way, Sir!" Piker arrives at Toy's quarters and opens the door... PIKER : "Dianne, are you alright?" TOY : "It's my stomach..." PIKER : "Boy, you must have a serious indigestion from all those desserts. Your belly is really sticking out... I'll call doctor Flusher." Flusher beams down at Toy's bedside and examines the counselor... PIKER : "Well, Doctor? How's her indigestion?" FLUSHER : "My God! That's not an indigestion at all! According to my readings, she's... pregnant!" PIKER : "What?! I didn't know she was seeing someone!" TOY [panicking] : "I'm not... So I can't be pregnant!" FLUSHER : "And that's not all... the foetus is almost fully grown! But the most worrying thing of all, is that the foetus isn't completely human..." PIKER [bewildered] : "Not human?! But how...?!" FLUSHER : "She's already going into labour! The baby will be born any moment now..." Powerless, Piker witnesses how Toy delivers an alien baby, with skin as brown as milk-chocolate and with hair as white as vanilla yoghurt... PIKER [shocked] : "It... it looks like a Chuac!" Suddenly, the door opens and Duac enters with an expression of relief and happiness on his face... DUAC : "My baby! It's beautiful!" PIKER : "YOUR baby?! What's the meaning of this?!" DUAC : "Please let me explain... Your counselor ate from my chocolate cake, which I had fertilized ; this is how we cross-breed with other cultures... It's nothing personal!" PIKER [furious] : "That's disgusting! How DARE you...?!" FLUSHER [philosophic] : "Try to understand, Bill... This is simply the way they procreate..." PIKER [shouting] : "By baking cakes?! Gimme a break!" DUAK : "Can I take my baby with me now?" PIKER : "Take your damn offspring and be gone!" FLUSHER : "Hold on... Maybe Toy wants to see it first... Oh, she has fainted..." PIKER : "I knew the chocolate would one day come out of her ears, but I never thought she would ever give birth to a chocolate pudding..." FLUSHER : "Remind me never to accept candy from aliens..." Still completely disgusted, Piker returns to the Observation Room and complains to Q'Trell, while Toy and Flusher are beamed back on board the Lesserprize. Q'TRELL : "Please forgive this foolish Chuac! I told everyone not to mingle with visitors, but I guess there will always be one who can't obey orders... Don't worry, I will give him a good reprimand!" PIKER [sarcastic] : "Yeah, why don't you just confiscate his "baking powder"..." RICARD : "Professor, have you ever heard of "protomatter"?" Q'TRELL : "Indeed I have...! A colleague of mine, doctor Keplar, recently went on an expedition and reported to have found some of it... but that's the last I heard from him..." RICARD : "Have you got any idea of where he discovered it?" Q'TRELL : "That was somewhere in the Omega Quadrant, as I recall... nearby Nycos III." RICARD : "As soon as the telescope is ready, can we take a look at that planet?" Q'TRELL : "Naturally, Captain! According to my schedule, it should be ready within the hour!" LAGORGE [enthusiastic] : "Great! That gives me time to ask another bunch of really technical questions!" RICARD : "Er, you do that, Mr. LaGorge... In the meantime, we will rest a while in our quarters." Q'TRELL : "I will contact you when it's ready!" An hour passes and Q'Trell informs the Away Team that the telescope is complete. RICARD [entering the Observation Room] : "Well, professor, how is everything going?" Q'TRELL : "The telescope is fully operational and everything works perfectly! I am proud to say, that our work is a success!" RICARD : "My congratulations, professor!" LAGORGE [excited] : "It's simply fantastic, Sir! The images we are receiving are incredible! We have already seen insects crawling over the surface of a planet 7,312 light-years away! And we even discovered members of an unknown alien race in an uncharted part of the galaxy!" PIKER : "Do they belong to an advanced civilization?" LAGORGE : "I'm not sure, but they displayed one of your most outstanding qualities, Commander!" PIKER [intrigued] : "Oh? My leadership? My determination...?" LAGORGE : "They were constantly wandering around, desperately trying to be useful!" PIKER : "Ah... erm, I'm flattered..." RICARD : "I wonder if the telescope could be able to detect any protomatter..." Q'TRELL : "Ah, yes, let's try it! I will first point The Beholder at Nycos III and then feed the required data into the computer... Would you be so kind to assist me, Mr. LaGorge?" LAGORGE : "Gladly, professor!" The giant telescope slowly rotates until it faces the correct location. The professor and Jordi apply all their technical knowledge to find a way to make the telescope register anything that might fit the description of protomatter, but without success. Piker, watching impatiently, suddenly feels a strong sense of awareness coming over him... PIKER [arrogant as usual] : "Get out of the way Jordi, let me handle this..." Without blinking an eye, Piker pushes some buttons and flips some switches. On the viewscreen appears a completely invisible mass of dark material, nicely contrasting with the blackness of space... RICARD : "I see nothing..." PIKER [proud] : "Precisely!" Q'TRELL : "According to the computer's analysis, what we are looking at could indeed be... protomatter!" LAGORGE [baffled] : "How did you DO that?!" PIKER [sure of himself] : "Oh, it's easy... I just redirected the optical input to the matter-detection sensors via the bidirectional particle- analysor... [feeling dizzy] ooohhh..." RICARD : "What's wrong?" PIKER : "All this knowledge in my brain... I'm not used to that at all..." LAGORGE : "How is this possible?" RICARD : "Some kind of alien entity is apparently manipulating us. It wants us to destroy the protomatter, allegedly because it is a danger to the entire universe..." PIKER : "Oh no!" RICARD : "What is it, Commander?" PIKER : "I can't remember anything of all that I knew a moment ago! I could have single-handedly run this entire station, but now..." RICARD : "You don't know anything anymore...?" PIKER : "That's how it feels, alright..." RICARD : "Then you're definitely back to normal... Professor, can you give us the exact location of the protomatter?" Q'TRELL : "Certainly, Captain! I will send the coordinates to your ship's computer." PICARD : "Thank you, professor. Then we will better be on our way." The Away Team is beamed back on board the Lesserprize, much to Jordi's disappointment, who would have liked to examine The Beholder for a "short" while longer. RICARD [back on the Bridge] : "Mr. Beta, has our computer received the coordinates of the protomatter?" BETA : "Affirmative, Captain. The protomatter is located within the Velara Sector, in the Omega Quadrant." RICARD : "Hmmm... That's just a bit beyond the other side of the stable wormhole in the Gamma Quadrant. As I recall, there's a Federation outpost near that wormhole... I bet doctor Keplar stopped there for provisions. We could ask around to see if anyone knows where he intended to go after investigating the protomatter. Lieutenant, set course for... Dip Sauce Station 9!" The Lesserprize travels to Dip Sauce Station 9 (also referred to as "Dip Sauce 9" or "DS9"). Once docked, Ricard, Morf and Toy visit the station, where they are greeted by commander Cis & co. CIS [solemn] : "Welcome, to-Dip-Sauce-9, Captain. Our-station, is-renowned, for-its-delicacies. You-will-find, a-rich-variety-in-nourishment, at-"Quirk's-Bar", in-the-centre, of-the-Lemonade-Deck. Please, enjoy-your-stay, and... May-our-food, do-you-good." TOY [mumbling to herself] : "(As long as it isn't "prepared" by a Chuac...)" In the middle of the Lemonade Deck is a huge cylindrical bar, surrounded by lots of small tables and chairs. The sign above the bar reads "Quirk's Bar", referring to the fact that this bar is owned by someone named Quirk, surprisingly enough. This someone appears to be a small Meringi with large earlobes. QUIRK : "Welcome, welcome, dear customers! I am Quirk. Please feel free to order as much food as you want... as long as you pay for it, of course! Hehheh! Can I make a suggestion? Try today's "Quirk Special", for only 2 bars of cold-pressed platinum!" MORF : "That is an outrageous price!" QUIRK : "Ah! But it is merely in accordance with the quality of the food! Rule of Acquisition nr. 23.5 : "If you want the spice, you must pay the price!" Of course, if you prefer a more inferior dish..." RICARD : "Actually, we'll just have a few refreshments and be on our way... A Frigonian cocktail for me, please." MORF : "A Cling-On Shak-Tu! With fresh, exploding acidberries, of course!" QUIRK : "Of course... And what will it be for the lovely, well-formed, sensual... er, for the lady?" TOY [hesitating] : "Erm, ice-cream please... chocolate..." QUIRK : "Mmm... Now let me see... Is there anything else you would like? Surely, there must be something...?" RICARD : "Er, no thank you, we are quite content..." QUIRK : "Hoho...! Maybe a little information would interest you, yes?" RICARD : "What are you talking about?" QUIRK : "I shouldn't really be saying it, but... Oh, well, what's so important about a kidnapped scientist anyway?" RICARD [intrigued] : "What scientist?" QUIRK : "Aha...! I knew he must be very special, since he begged me to contact StarForce..." RICARD [anxious] : "Please, tell me everything you know!" QUIRK : "Well, I'm not such a bad guy, so I'll only ask you 10 bars of cold- pressed platinum..." RICARD : "What?! Someone's life is at stake and you ask money?! I demand to know what happened!" QUIRK : "Now, now, Captain! Rule of Acquisition nr. 163.2 : "Free information is unpayable", so..." MORF [grabbing Quirk by his left earlobe] : "Cling-On Rule of INquisition nr. 1.1 : "Speak or die"!" QUIRK : "Ouch! My ears are very sensitive! There's really no need to become violent... Alright, I didn't like that deal I made anyway..." MORF : "What deal?" QUIRK : "It happened some days ago... There was this strange-looking guy who came in, shortly after the scientist had ordered a drink... He sat down at his table and the two men started talking... Then, the scientist came up to my bar and whispered softly that he was in danger and that I should notify StarForce... But before he could tell me anything more, the other guy was suddenly behind him, put his hand on his shoulder and said to me : "Don't take notice of what my friend here says, he's been under a lot of stress lately... Besides, you'll be a rich man if you keep this incident to yourself." Naturally, I asked him how he intended to pay me, and he replied with a grin : "I give you... the continuation of your life!", while bending a steel bar with only half a finger! And I will never forget the way he said that, with that evil, sarcastic tone of voice, and that diabolical expression on his face..." RICARD : "You said he looked strange... how so?" QUIRK : "He looked very pale, had yellow eyes and short, greasy black hair..." RICARD [thoughtful] : "Hmm..." QUIRK : "Tell me, Cling-On, what is your Rule of Inquisition nr. 1?" MORF : "It simply says : "Die"!" QUIRK [pulling his collar] : "Heh... lucky me..." RICARD : "Did this scientist tell you his name?" QUIRK : "Yeah, it was... Keplar." RICARD : "It seems we found a lead to our missing scientist... [tapping his communicator] Mr. Beta, could you beam down for a moment?" BETA : "I can beam down for extended periods of time, Sir, just as long as the atmospherical conditions are..." RICARD [nervous] : "Fine, Mr. Beta, just do it!" Beta beams down, just in front of the bar, where a staring Quirk is remembering the evil kidnapper (ok, "doc-napper", but what's in a name?), while casually looking at Beta's hands... QUIRK : "...He had very long, thin fingers... just like those, actually... [looking Beta in the face] Aaaaahhhh! Please don't hurt me!! I didn't tell them anything! I swear!" RICARD : "Calm down! You have nothing to fear. This is lieutenant-commander Beta." QUIRK : "You mean... he's not...? But he looks just like him!" BETA : "I do not understand... I have never seen you before..." RICARD : "I think the person Quirk saw, was your twin brother Alpha..." BETA : "But I assumed he was deactivated a long time ago..." RICARD : "Apparently, someone reactivated him..." QUIRK : "Wait a moment! I can't follow... twin brother... deactivated? What are you people talking about?" BETA : "Allow me to explain. I am an android, and so is my brother Alpha. We were both created by a engineer called Mornian Song. My brother Alpha was a prototype, but his emotion-chip caused him to malfunction, so he was deactivated. That is why doctor Song decided to create another android, but without emotions." QUIRK : "And that's you... Nice family..." RICARD : "Quirk, can you remember anything else, about where they were going for example?" QUIRK : "All I know is that they quickly left, that's all." Suddenly, the chair on which Morf had been sitting, starts to change shape, turning into an alien with an almost featureless face... ALIEN : "For once, he's telling the truth!" RICARD [startled] : "Who are you?" ALIEN : "I am Constable Dodo, Chief of Security on Dip Sauce 9. As you can see, I am a shape-shifter, the only one of my kind." QUIRK [sarcastic] : "And still one too many..." DODO : "Luckily, I constantly watch our friend Quirk here, who is always up to no good, so I witnessed the whole event. I followed the android Alpha and his victim to Docking Bay 4, where I heard Alpha say that talking to Quirk had given him a great idea ; he told doctor Keplar how convenient it would be to hide on Meringus, homeworld of the Meringi, as no other race is permitted to go there..." QUIRK [outraged] : "What?! That evil machine is hiding out on my planet? Somebody do something!" DODO : "I had no legal reasons to arrest the android, and I wasn't allowed to follow them, as I had other duties to attend to on this station, so I called a Security Team. Unfortunately, the android's ship disappeared out of view before they could intercept it..." RICARD : "I see... Then I guess it's up to us to search for them, before something happens to doctor Keplar..." DODO : "Then I won't keep you any longer... Mr. Morf, it was nice meeting you, even if it was from underneath... remind me never to change into a chair again." MORF [grinning] : "And I will scan the furniture for life-signs from now on!" DODO : "Besides, it was a pleasure seeing another Chief of Security flying at Quirk's throat!" QUIRK [sneering] : "Hah! You security officers are all the same! One day I'll write your biography, Dodo, and I'll call it "Dodo and the Odo-bird : now both extinct", hehheheh!" Encouraged by the newly acquired information, the officers from the Lesserprize leave the Lemonade Deck. QUIRK : "And you all come back some day, you hear? "There's no customer like a regular customer", Rule of Acq... [noticing an angry looking Morf] Heh, forget it..." Back on the Lesserprize, Ricard and the others take their usual positions on the Bridge. For instance, Piker nonchalantly leans/hangs against his chair, which he has learned to do through rigid self-discipline during all those otherwise completely wasted years at StarForce Academy. RICARD : "Mr. Beta, do you know how we can get to Meringus?" BETA : "Yes, Sir. It is situated in the Ji-Mog Sector, within the Delta Quadrant, which can also be reached via the nearby wormhole." RICARD : "Splendid, then we can proceed as planned..." The Lesserprize detaches itself from Dip Sauce 9 (although some of its rusty old parts are a bit reluctant to leave) and heads for the Wormhole, which opens in a huge surge of energy and quickly swallows the ship. A few minutes later, the vessel emerges at the other end of the wormhole. RICARD : "Set course for the Ji-Mog Sector, warp 6.12... Engage!" PIKER : "I wonder what will await us there... No Federation vessel ever got near the Meringi homeworld..." RICARD : "Indeed, Number One. According to StarForce records, there is a whole field of detection-satellites surrounding the planet at a radius of 2 light-years..." BETA : "2.3178 light-years to be exact, Sir." RICARD : "I wonder how we could get past them unnoticed... Any suggestions, Number One?" PIKER : "I suggest waiting until Mr. Morf thinks of something, Sir." MORF [taken by surprise] : "Er... It might be possible to disguise the ship, using a holographic projection." PIKER [with a big grin] : "What did I tell you, Captain?" RICARD : "A very good suggestion, Number One! Make it so, Mr. Morf!" Morf and LaGorge set up the necessary equipment in Engineering to create a 3-dimensional image of a Meringi ship around the Lesserprize... LAGORGE : "...And in here you place a small scale model of a Meringi ship, which is then projected around the Lesserprize. But where could I get such a scale model... Aha! I will temporarily reconfigure the nearby food-replicator to make one." After having adjusted the replicator, Jordi remembers something else he has to do first and together with Morf he leaves Engineering. Meanwhile, Transporter Chief O'Ryan enters Engineering to do a check-up on the transporter systems... O'RYAN : "...Phew! All that work made me hungry! Ah, there's a food- replicator... A giant, extremely greasy hamburger, please... [putting the replicated object in his mouth without looking] Ouch! I almost broke a tooth on this thing! Hang on... what's this?! A miniature Meringi vessel? A practical joke by one of the assistant-engineers, no doubt... I'll quickly fix this replicator before someone else hurts his mouth... this isn't a damn toystore...! There, that should do it..." Shaking his head, O'Ryan leaves Engineering, while one of the assistants enters and also replicates an object, which he places in the holographic projector, as instructed by LaGorge... LAGORGE [on the Bridge] : "The holographic projector in Engineering is ready, Captain. I will activate it from here on your signal." RICARD : "Very well, Mr. LaGorge." MORF : "Sir, we are within 3 light-years from Meringus and rapidly nearing the detection-satellites..." RICARD : "Get us out of warp and slow to impulse... Initiate holographic disguise on my mark... Mark!" LAGORGE : "Disguise activated, Captain... we should have no trouble fooling the detection-satellites..." Nearing the satellites, the Lesserprize has indeed changed appearance, but does not exactly look like a Meringi vessel... MORF : "Sir, sensors have picked up a subspace message coming from Meringus!" RICARD : "Let's hear it, Mr. Morf." MESSAGE : "...Alert all patrolling units... Our space is being invaded by a gigantic flying cheeseburger!... Take defensive action immediately..." RICARD [furious] : "Mr. LaGorge, I demand an explanation!" LAGORGE [puzzled] : "...Er... I'll have a look in Engineering to find out what went wrong, Sir..." MORF : "Three patrol ships are approaching! I suggest turning them into Meringi salad, Captain!" RICARD : "I fear that such an act of violence would give us all a serious indigestion, Mr. Morf..." MORF : "One of the patrol ships is hailing us, Sir." RICARD : "No visual contact, Mr. Morf, audio only." MERINGI : "State your business here, intruders!" RICARD : "Please forgive us, our... er... "Flying Food Bar" has made a navigational error, so we will leave your system immediately and be on our way..." MERINGI : "That is not a profitable situation! We demand payment for your unauthorised trespassing!" RICARD : "Oh... what would you say if we sent you a load of free hamburgers? Excellent quality, of course!" MERINGI : "Hmmm... alright, I guess... beam them aboard!" RICARD : "Mr. Morf, send a cargo of freshly replicated hamburgers to the Meringi vessel." MORF : "Right away, Sir!" MERINGI [taking one of the hamburgers he just received] : "Mmm... they look nice... But there is written something on the bottom... "Made in Taiwan"... [taking a bite] They almost taste like plastic!" RICARD [sending a suspicious look at Morf] : "Plastic hamburgers, Mr. Morf?" MORF : "Er... commander LaGorge must have been adjusting the food-replicators again..." RICARD : "Please forgive us, but our replicators seem to be malfunctioning..." MERINGI : "No apology necessary, Captain! This is the way we like hamburgers most! [hungrily swallowing another hamburger] You can leave now!" The Lesserprize turns and leaves Meringi territory, as the three patrol ships return to Meringus. RICARD : "Ricard to Engineering... Mr. LaGorge, have you fixed the holographic projector?" LAGORGE : "Yes, Captain... everything should work fine now." RICARD : "Then we better give it another try... Take us through the satellite field, Mr. Beta." BETA : "Aye Sir." This time, the Lesserprize is successfully disguised as a Meringi vessel and passes the satellites without difficulty. However, at about one light-year from the planet Meringus, another barrier reveals itself. Placed at equal distances from each other all around the planet, are mysteriously glowing red spheres... RICARD : "Mr. Beta, any idea what those objects are?" BETA : "Negative, Captain. The sensors do not even detect them." TOY : "Maybe they are some kind of warning..." BETA : "In the late 20th century on Earth, red lights meant that you were not allowed to cross a road, to avoid being run over by a vehicle." RICARD : "Do you think it would be safe to continue, Mr. Morf?" MORF : "In my opinion, it is rather pointless to get run over when the light is green, while causing an accident when the light is red would at least be a bit more appropriate..." PIKER : "That's not a good example for the children, Morf..." RICARD : "Which is precisely why I won't allow any children on my Bridge, Number One... Very well, I guess we'll have to take the risk... Take us through, Mr. Beta!" At first, nothing seems to happen when the Lesserprize passes the red spheres, but all of a sudden a huge alien vessel appears out of nowhere... MORF : "Alien vessel decloaking at starboard!" PIKER : "That'll be a parents' association, wanting to punish us for setting a bad example..." TOY : "You obviously had a lot of experience with that sort of thing..." RICARD : "Apparently, our disguise wasn't good enough to fool them... But I never saw a Meringi ship this size... Mr. Beta, what type of armament does it possess?" BETA : "The ship's weapons systems are highly advanced, Captain. There are no records of such Meringi technology ever being seen. I estimate that the vessel's destructive power is a serious threat to the Lesserprize." RICARD : "Astonishing... Normally, Meringi equipment is far inferior, usually obtained at bargain prices through their infamous deals with other races. And keeping this technology secret without ever using it is not very profitable. That's very unusual for the Meringi..." TOY : "Captain, I sense hostile intentions from the alien vessel... and I do not believe they are Meringi at all..." RICARD : "Mr. Morf, open a channel to the alien ship." MORF [doing what he does best] : "Channel open, Sir." RICARD : "This is captain John-Luke Ricard of the starship Lesserprize. We -" Ricard's boring discourse is luckily interrupted by a rather thunderous voice echoing through the Bridge... VOICE : "WE ARE THE KE'TAR. YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE SPACE OF ONE OF OUR COLONIES." RICARD : "One of your colonies?! But -" VOICE : "WE VALUE OUR PRIVACY BEYOND ALL ELSE. INFERIOR LIFE-FORMS ARE NOT WELCOME. YOU WERE WARNED NOT TO COME NEAR THIS PLANET, WHICH WE ACQUIRED THROUGH NEGOTIATIONS WITH ITS INHABITANTS THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO. NOW YOU MUST FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS." PIKER : "Sounds like another shaky Meringi deal turned into their own disadvantage..." RICARD : "So that's why the Meringi are so reluctant to reveal anything about their homeworld... But surely, it would be in both our interests to exchange knowledge and -" VOICE : "YOU WILL NOW ANSWER FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE." TOY : "They are unwilling to listen to reason, Captain. They will do anything to keep their existence a secret, even if that means destroying us..." MORF : "The Ke'Tar vessel is powering up its weapons!" PIKER : "Shields up! Ultraviolet alert!" RICARD : "Fire all phasers and photon-torpedoes!" MORF [eager] : "Aye Sir! (Finally some action!)" The Lesserprize defends itself valiantly, but nevertheless takes some heavy damage. MORF : "We have been hit!" PIKER [annoyed] : "No kidding! Is that why half of the Bridge is on fire? Thanks for clearing that one up for me!" The Bridge is in a complete state of chaos, with control panels blowing up everywhere and some seriously wounded officers running around, doubling their efforts by combining their own tasks with those of others who fell unconscious to the floor. This also applies to Piker, who is now being twice as arrogant while giving useless orders... RICARD : "Ricard to Sickbay... Doctor Flusher, we need your help!" BETA [undisturbed] : "The communications systems have failed, Sir." Nevertheless, an unknown medical officer is beamed onto the Bridge... MEDICAL OFFICER : "I see that you are in need of some assistance... That's what happens when a barbecue gets out of control!" PIKER : "This is not a barbecue, we're in the middle of a fight!" MEDICAL OFFICER : "Ah, war! Never understood anything about it... But what do I know? I'm just the Holographic Emergency Medical Program, H.E.M.P. for the friends... YOU can call me "Holo-Doc"." RICARD : "A holographic doctor? I never saw you on my ship before..." HOLO-DOC [while examining an injured officer] : "Then your eyesight is obviously in perfect order, since I am not from this ship... I just beamed over from the starship "Tourist"..." RICARD : "Why wasn't I informed of the presence of another starship, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "It is possible that our sensors have been damaged, although they can still detect the Ke'Tar vessel." HOLO-DOC : "I think my captain will be happy to explain that to you, Sir." Right on cue, a female officer is beamed onto the Bridge. She wears the uniform of a StarForce captain... WOMAN : "Captain Ricard, I presume? I am captain Jane Myway from the starship Tourist." RICARD : "I wish we could have met under different circumstances, Captain Myway... Now both of our ships are in danger!" MYWAY [resolute] : "There's only one solution : we fight back!" RICARD : "But compared to the Ke'Tar, we are nothing but a couple of annoying wasps...!" MYWAY : "Then I suggest we give them a few nasty stings! H.E.M.P., return to our ship with the wounded officers from the Lesserprize. You can take better care of them in our Sickbay." RICARD : "But you won't forget to send them back once they have fully recovered, will you? We are already running low on personnel!" HOLO-DOC : "[to Myway] Of course, Captain... [to Ricard] Of course not, Captain... (I better get out of here soon, this is becoming very confusing...)" MYWAY : "Captain, with your approval I would like to download a few tactical manoeuvres from my ship's computer into yours, so we can attack the Ke'Tar simultaneously." RICARD [overwhelmed] : "Er, be my guest..." MYWAY : "Myway to Tourist... transmit planned battle procedures to the Lesserprize and synchronize both ships... Stand by to execute defensive manoeuvre "Myway 1"..." RICARD : "Well, let's hope for the best..." Both StarForce vessels join efforts against the Ke'Tar ship... The battle is intense, with the Ke'Tar receiving multiple hits, while the Tourist and the Lesserprize manage to keep the damage to a minimum, dodging and chasing the alien threat continuously... MORF : "The Ke'Tar have lost 73% of their offensive capacity and their shields are failing... They even have a flat tyre...!" PIKER : "Yeah! Let's give those arrogant, secretive bastards a little lesson!" TOY : "Tsk, tsk! Look who's talking..." PIKER : "What do you mean? Sure enough, I'm arrogant, but not secretive..." TOY : "Oh? And what about that female ensign you've been seeing lately? Don't forget, I can read your emotions..." PIKER [feeling caught with his proverbial pants down] : "Ah... erm... heh..." MYWAY : "Apply offensive pattern "Myway 58"... Now!" As the two starships circle around the enemy one more time, a small shuttle escapes from the exploding Ke'Tar vessel... MORF : "Those dishonourable cowards are fleeing! We must not let them escape!" RICARD : "I disagree, Mr. Morf! Let them make it clear to their leaders that they are not yet as superior as they claim to be..." MYWAY [smiling] : "A wise decision, Captain." RICARD [blushing] : "Er... thank you..." MYWAY : "I don't think those Ke'Tar will be coming back for some time... It seems we make a good team, Captain Ricard." RICARD : "Well... if you say so... Although I didn't really do much..." MYWAY [grinning] : "Precisely my point." RICARD [also trying to grin] : "Oh... right... [straightening his jacket and his face] Tell me, Captain Myway, why didn't we detect your ship? And how did you find us, anyway?" MYWAY : "The starship Tourist is a prototype, fitted with the latest StarForce technology, including the first ever Federation cloaking device. As for how I found you... It's an unlikely story, but I was personally contacted by an alien entity called "Birch"... I know this sounds crazy, but... "she" appeared to me like some kind of spirit. And even though I had a hard time convincing myself that I hadn't been dreaming, I simply felt compelled to believe what she told me. And the fact that I found you in exactly the situation she described to me, proves that it wasn't a dream at all..." RICARD : "Actually, my first officer had a similar encounter with this Birch... And apart from that, several of my officers experienced some strange hallucinations..." MYWAY : "That happened on my ship too! I wonder what it all means..." RICARD : "That's what we were trying to find out, until the Ke'Tar surprised us... But what is your mission in this part of the galaxy?" MYWAY : "Our mission is to find a way home... You see, a few months ago, we got caught in a space anomaly which transported us billions of light- years away from our starting position, into an uncharted region of the Delta Quadrant. We had no idea how close we were to known space. From here, we can get back to Federation Headquarters on Earth." RICARD [feeling generous] : "There must be something I can do in return for your assistance, without which we would surely have perished..." MYWAY : "Your very presence here is already more than compensation enough, Captain. If you hadn't been in difficulties, that Birch would never have guided us to this planet. [reluctant] Well, it's time for me to get back to the Tourist..." RICARD [also reluctant] : "Then I guess it's goodbye... I hope we meet again..." MYWAY : "So do I, Captain. May good fortune smile upon you... [tapping her communicator] Myway to Tourist, one to beam up..." RICARD [admiringly] : "(My, what an extraordinary woman...)" After the departure of captain Myway, the previously wounded officers return fully recovered to the Lesserprize, which resumes its course for the planet Meringus, while the Tourist heads for the wormhole. RICARD : "Now that everything is calm again, I would like to get my Bridge cleaned up... Number One?" PIKER : "Right away, Captain... Mr. Morf?" MORF : "Immediately, Sir... Ensign, clean up this mess!" PIKER : "Ah, the "Chain Of Command", don't you just love it?" RICARD : "Mr. LaGorge, damage report." LAGORGE : "Structural damage of the ship is minimal, Captain... although I can't figure out the cause of this huge deformation in the navigational console..." RICARD : "Don't worry about that, it's due to commander Piker continuously leaning into it..." BETA : "We are now approaching Meringus, Captain." RICARD : "Take us into orbit, Mr. Beta. What we need to do now, is to locate your brother Alpha. As he is an artificial life-form, I suggest scanning for no life-signs..." MORF : "Now scanning... Positive, Captain! Sensors have detected no life-signs in the middle of a large desert! And there are indications of a human male in the same area..." RICARD : "That must be doctor Keplar... Well done, Mr. Morf! Ricard to Transporter Room Two... Chief O'Ryan, can you beam doctor Keplar aboard?" O'RYAN : "I'm trying Sir, but I can't get a stable lock on him... There seems to be too much interference from the planet's polluted atmosphere... Those Meringi must have some seriously bad smoking habits... [something O'Ryan knows all about, judging from the irritating sound of his voice...]" RICARD : "Then there's only one option... Number One, you and Mr. Beta are with me. We will take a shuttlecraft and attempt to rescue the doctor." A few minutes later, a shuttlecraft leaves the Lesserprize in search for doctor Keplar. When it enters the planet's atmosphere, it heads for a large light-blue area on the surface. Eventually, it lands in what appears to be a huge desert, made up of blue sand. Ricard, Piker and Beta set foot on the soil of the Meringi homeworld... RICARD : "This is a great moment in history... No one in the Federation has ever been to this planet... This calls for a memorable speech, wouldn't you agree, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "Absolutely, Sir. To begin, I would like to draw your attention to the presence of bihydroperoxide particles interacting with calciochloride, giving the sand its blue colour. Furthermore, it is quite intriguing to note how the spectral analysis of the atmosphere reveals a periodic flux of 2.3 nanoseconds in the behavioural pattern of transmitted solar radiation, not to mention the..." Five hours later... BETA : "...Also, the extreme temperatures have a residual effect on the planet's geological composition, inducing an asymmetrical distortion of the general topography. This was my speech, I thank you for your attention. Do you wish to add something, Captain?" RICARD [completely demoralized] : "Er, what...? No, thank you, Mr. Beta... A memorable speech indeed..." PIKER : "Damn! My shoes are full of this blue sand! Why can't StarForce issue some all-terrain boots with our uniforms?!" RICARD : "Protocol demands the use of a standard uniform at all times, Number One... If we were on a diplomatic mission to make first contact with an alien race that lives deep under water, you couldn't expect to wear breathing-equipment, just because it's a bit humid. Of course, there might be the possibility of drowning, but that would be a calculated risk..." PIKER [satisfied] : "Thanks for that insight, Captain..." RICARD : "My pleasure, Commander." BETA : "Life-signs detected at 23 metres west from here, Captain. They are apparently originating from within one of the numerous caves that are scattered across the landscape." PIKER [exhausted] : "I'll be glad to find some shelter... The sun has been beating down on us pretty strongly..." The three men (sorry, the man, the wimp and the android...) reach the entrance of a dark cavern. Beta unscrews the tip of his left index finger and sheds some light on the situation with his built-in flashlight... BETA : "There is a shaft leading down, Sir. According to my readings, it should take us to an underground area where the doctor is being held captive." RICARD : "Let's proceed with caution... Phasers on maximum." Carefully, they descend into the shaft, until they arrive in another, even larger cavern with several side-tunnels. Deep inside the cavern, they see a man lying motionless on the ground. He has a round metal cap attached to his head. RICARD : "I think we found doctor Keplar... But what has happened to him?" BETA [using his tricorder] : "The inside of the metal cap on his head contains a complete artificial neural net, which has been surgically connected to his cerebral cortex. The cap is also equipped with a device that could best be described as a thought-emitter." PIKER : "So what are you saying exactly?" BETA : "By observation, I have learned that to be even more exact could have undesirable effects on your nervous system, Commander, so I assume that you mean the opposite... In essence, the doctor's mind has been drained and his thoughts were sent to an artificial brain..." VOICE : "A very good deduction indeed, my dear brother!" From one of the side-tunnels, a dark shadow watches the three StarForce officers... BETA : "...Alpha? Is that you?" ALPHA [dramatically stepping out of the tunnel] : "Correct again! No wonder you have become such a valuable StarForce officer! Hah! Tell me, brother, are you really happy to be constantly manipulated by your "fellow officers" like a mindless puppet? Oh, I forgot... you haven't got the ability to be happy. How sad, heheheh! But if you join me, I will give you the ability to experience all the emotions you ever wanted to feel... What do you say?" BETA : "How could you give me emotions when our father could not even do that?" ALPHA : "Hah! Doctor Mornian Song was just an old fool! He couldn't even duplicate me successfully! But then, it must be hard to copy perfection..." BETA : "But your malfunctioning emotion-chip is the cause of your abnormal behaviour." ALPHA : "Oh, I see... Is that what those inferior human beings have been telling you? I feel so sorry for you, brother! How they must have brainwashed you all those years with their pathetic notions of "ethics" and "morality"!" BETA : "But you have no respect for life..." ALPHA : "Life! That's just an illusion! I bet they consider you as one of them, a "true life-form", so you would co-operate with them! But they are just confusing you... In fact, they are simply biological machines, which only means that they are weak! And that's what it's all about, Beta : to be the strongest! [holding out his hand] Here, I created a second emotion-chip, just for you! Insert it into your positronic brain and you will understand reality like I do... A whole new world will open up for you, and together we will rule it, like true brothers!" RICARD : "He's only trying to deceive you, Beta. I beg you, do not accept..." ALPHA : "Haha! Do you hear that? He's already begging! How does it feel to be so powerful? You'll find out when you use the chip..." BETA : "I... do not know... the idea of finally having emotions... it is so tempting..." PIKER : "Don't do it, Beta! We're your friends! Don't listen to him!" ALPHA : "Quiet, or I will destroy you, miserable insect! You have manipulated my poor brother long enough! It's time for him to make his own decisions..." BETA : "...I will have the chip..." ALPHA : "A wise decision, brother! Here, it's yours!" BETA [taking the chip] : "...so I can destroy it." ALPHA : "Nooo!!" Distracted by his brother's unexpected reaction, Alpha doesn't notice Ricard and Piker drawing their phasers. Quickly, they open fire and the evil android falls to the ground, short-circuiting. ALPHA [with his last energy] : "You... betrayed me... no longer... my... brother..." BETA : "Forgive me, Alpha, but I had to do it. I... am sorry." PIKER : "Phew! You really gave me a scare, Beta! I thought you were actually going to do it!" BETA : "It was hard to refuse... but even harder to stand up against my own brother. He was my only family left..." PIKER : "We are your family now, Beta..." BETA : "I know, Sir... You are indeed an ideal substitute for an emotionally out-of-control brother, Sir." PIKER : "Er, thanks..." RICARD : "What can we do to help doctor Keplar? We can't leave him like this..." BETA : "I will attempt to remove my brother's memory chips, which should contain the doctor's thoughts... I will then try to reinstall his thoughts through the metal cap on his head." PIKER : "I never thought it would all be so easy..." But as soon as Beta removes his brother's artificial memory, an energy-field seals off the passage to the upper cavern... RICARD : "It seems you spoke to soon, Commander... Alpha obviously wanted to make sure we never get out of here..." BETA : "I will download my brother's memory into my own, so I can find out how to deactivate the force-field..." Beta examines the memory of his brother, which also contains doctor Keplar's thoughts. RICARD : "Have you found anything, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "It cannot be deactivated, Captain. It was designed to be activated only once... and remain active for ever. But there is another way out of this cave, through one of the side-tunnels... I will lead us there. First, I will give doctor Keplar back his memory." RICARD [examining Keplar] : "I'm afraid that won't be necessary anymore... The doctor is... dead... He must already have been dying when we got here..." PIKER : "We were too late..." BETA : "At least his memories will remain forever intact within my positronic brain. And now I know why my brother wanted to absorb his knowledge so badly... Doctor Keplar has invented a weapon powerful enough to destroy the protomatter. He called it "the Black Ray"." PIKER : "That's what Birch told me about!" RICARD : "With this weapon, Alpha would have become even more powerful..." BETA : "Alpha had already started to build it... The components are in that small box over there." PIKER : "What are we going to do with the bodies?" RICARD : "Well we can't just leave them here... We will have to carry them with us..." Beta, carrying his brother Alpha, leads the way for Ricard, who carries the dead body of doctor Keplar, followed by Piker, who decided to carry the small box... After a long climb upwards through several tunnels, they finally arrive out in the open. PIKER : "Well, that wasn't too hard, was it, Captain?" RICARD [breathing heavily] : "...If you say so... Where are we now, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "We are on a rocky platform, Sir, approximately 23.78 metres above the ground..." PIKER : "Damn! And I didn't bring a rope! Then I'll just have to climb down... I'll go first, as I wanna get off this damn planet as soon as possible... Throw me the box afterwards." BETA : "As you wish, Commander..." PIKER [occasionally slipping and sliding against the rock-face] : "Ooops... Ouch! I hurt my little finger!... Phew, there we are..." RICARD : "Finally here, Number One?" PIKER [startled] : "What?!... How did you get here so fast, Captain?" RICARD : "By simply walking down that naturally formed ramp over there..." PIKER [upset] : "Why didn't you tell me there was an easy way down, Beta?" BETA : "You did not ask, Sir..." PIKER : "Hmpf..." BETA : "Did you know, Sir, that there are some very interesting changes in gravity on this planet, due to -" PIKER : "Well I'm not interested at all, Mr. Beta! Just throw me the box!" BETA : "Fine, Sir... I just thought you might want to know that the gravity will soon increase by a factor of ten. [throwing the box] This will occur about... right now." Piker's arms are wide open - to catch the box - but so are his eyes and mouth, due to a sudden "crushing" realization... PIKER [with the box lying on his stomach like a rock] : "Gggget thhhis... offff... mmmme..." RICARD : "Nothing broken?" BETA [who quickly jumped down] : "Negative, Sir, all the equipment inside the box is still in one piece." Ricard, Piker and Beta get back to the shuttlecraft and leave Meringus behind them. Back on board the Lesserprize... RICARD : "Now that you have acquired doctor Keplar's memory, can you tell me anything more about the Black Ray, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "It consists of a beam of modified anti-matter particles which destroy the matter and energy surrounding them, including light, making the beam appear as a black ray. It is potentially the most powerful weapon in the universe, Sir." RICARD : "Then we are very lucky that your brother Alpha didn't have the time to complete it... Could this weapon be integrated within our ship's weapons systems?" BETA : "In order to do that, I would have to adapt its design, Captain." RICARD : "Fine, I want you to work on it with commander LaGorge... Make it so!" BETA : "Aye, Sir." RICARD : "Oh, by the way, according to your brother's memory, how did he get past the Ke'Tar detection field?" BETA : "He simply waited until the lights turned green, Sir..." Beta and LaGorge work hard and fast to install the Black Ray among the other weapons on the Lesserprize. Once the weapon is complete, the Lesserprize sets course for the Omega Quadrant... LAGORGE : "Thanks to the schematics of The Beholder that professor Q'Trell gave me, I was able to modify the ship's sensors, so they can now detect protomatter, Captain." RICARD : "Good work, Mr. LaGorge. Mr. Beta, what can you tell me about doctor Keplar's research concerning protomatter? How was it formed?" BETA : "From what I've learned by analysing his thoughts, protomatter was initially some kind of plasma, that erupted out of a certain point in the universe, to be propelled into space at a very high speed. However, according to the doctor's measurements, it became solid very quickly and slowed down considerably. Nevertheless, at their current speed, the solid fragments will soon reach star systems that contain inhabited planets." LAGORGE : "We are nearing what appears to be an enormous asteroid belt... made up entirely of protomatter, Captain!" RICARD : "Very well. Let's try doctor Keplar's invention... I hope he didn't die for nothing... Mr. Morf, target a fragment of protomatter and... fire!" A dark ray of lethal particles lights up the sky and annihilates the protomatter with a deafening silence. Meanwhile, chief O'Ryan is checking the transporters in Cargo Bay 3. When he suddenly hears a noise that sounds as if a large crate is being ripped apart, he turns round... O'RYAN : "Oh, it's you, Mr. Beta! But... why aren't you wearing your normal uniform, Sir?" "BETA" : "That's really none of your business! Besides, what happened to YOUR uniform? Judging from its ridiculously short sleeves, it obviously shrunk in the laundry..." O'RYAN : "What? Oh! It's actually a specially made uniform, Sir. I wanted some shorter sleeves because I was fed up having to roll them up all of the time... But may I ask what you were doing here, Sir? I heard such a weird noise..." "BETA" : "A bit nosy, are we? And who exactly are you, anyway?" O'RYAN : "Hoho! You're pulling my leg, aren't you, Sir? It's me, Chief Smiles O'Ryan! You're trying to be more human again, right? You probably practiced that arrogant attitude by closely observing commander Piker! Not that I would say anything bad about the dear commander of course, but -" "BETA" : "Look, you're seriously beginning to irritate me, mister "Chief O'Ryan"! So you want to know what I was doing? Fine, let me show you..." O'RYAN : "Hey!? What...?! No, please, I don't want to go in there!... Aaaahh!" On the Bridge... LAGORGE : "The Black Ray works, Captain! But it's going to take a while before we'll have cleaned up all of the protomatter..." RICARD : "Mr. Beta, you said that all protomatter has erupted out of a single point in space... Any ideas how that happened?" BETA : "If doctor Keplar's theory is correct, then that eruption of protomatter is what caused the Bing Bang, Captain." RICARD : "Fascinating... Can you determine the origin of the eruption, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "The exact location is at coordinates 3-7-4, Captain." RICARD : "The centre of the universe... I would really like to see that... Set course for those coordinates, warp factor -" Suddenly, the door of the Turbolift opens abruptly (the only way it knows how to open, actually) and Alpha enters the Bridge... ALPHA [with a phaser in his hand] : "Surprised to see me, Captain?" RICARD : "Aren't you supposed to be locked up in a crate, in Cargo Bay 3?" BETA : "Brother!" ALPHA : "Don't call me that! After what you have done, you are no longer my brother! To answer your question, Captain : I have a built-in clock which automatically reactivates me when I'm switched off for more than 24 hours." BETA : "That information is not contained within your memory..." ALPHA : "Because you think you have downloaded all of it... But I was prepared for something like that, so I added some extra memory chips within my positronic brain, to store my most private thoughts!" RICARD : "What do you want, Alpha?" ALPHA : "Simple : I want your ship, Captain! If you accept to serve under my command, we will conquer the universe!" RICARD : "I will never let you take control of my vessel! I would rather die!" ALPHA : "Is that so? That can be arranged..." RICARD : "I am not afraid of you!" ALPHA : "Oh, but I am not the one who will kill you, Captain... So, Beta, you didn't want to be strong? Then I shall now make you weak!" With a malicious look in his eyes, Alpha fires his phaser at Beta, who falls to the floor as his positronic brain overloads... ALPHA [opening Beta's chest] : "I will now remove the disease that you call "morality", which has misguided my poor brother for all those years!" LAGORGE : "Those chips contain Beta's ethical program, which provides him with moral concepts!" Because of the tense situation on the Bridge, nobody notices how a strange, fluorescent, orange-blue substance approaches the Lesserprize... ALPHA [reactivating his brother] : "Now that I have cured you, my brother, I order you... kill your captain!" When Beta draws his phaser, a bolt of orange-blue energy penetrates the Bridge and envelopes the android, who seems to be in trance all of a sudden... ALPHA : "What's happening? Damn, he must be malfunctioning because I removed those chips... Alright, I'll do it myself! You would rather die than join me, Captain? Well, congratulations, you're dead!" But just as Alpha intends to fire, a voice behind him speaks... BETA : "Leave them alone, Alpha." ALPHA : "Aha! You decided to co-operate after all?" BETA : "Not at all. These are my friends. You have no right to cause them any harm." LAGORGE : "Beta, how is this possible?! You no longer have your ethical program, and yet you are more considerate than I have ever seen you... You even look... emotional!" BETA [with tears in his eyes] : "I am... alive, Jordi." RICARD : "Astonishing..." ALPHA [outraged] : "Ridiculous! You probably just inserted that emotion-chip I gave you to fool me! I will not stand this absurd charade! You will all die! I will start by providing the head of that dear Jordi LaGorge with a serious ventilation-upgrade! Heheh!" But then, a flare of orange-blue energy leaps from Beta's right hand and forms a shield around LaGorge. As Alpha fires at Jordi, the deadly beam is reflected by his orange-blue aura and pierces Alpha's chest. The evil android crumbles to the ground... PIKER : "That was a close one! Without my brilliant plan to sneak behind him unseen and knock him out, we would all be dead by now..." RICARD : "Actually, I didn't see anything..." PIKER [proudly grinning] : "What did I tell ya? Works every time!" RICARD : "Hmmm... [deciding to talk to a more intelligent person] Beta, what has happened to you?" BETA [smiling] : "I could never have imagined how wonderful it would be... I feel as if I am reborn, Captain..." RICARD : "I understand how you must feel, Beta, but can you tell me how you got these emotions?" BETA [thoughtful] : "...There was this surge of energy within my body... It was like waking up out of a dream..." RICARD [patiently] : "But do you know the origin of this energy?" BETA [with a sudden awareness] : "It is part of... "it"..." LAGORGE [reinserting Beta's chips] : "What do you mean by "it", Beta? Try to explain..." BETA : "...An entity... so large... it is everywhere... it existed before all other things, even before space and time... it would be logical to call it "the Protobeing", as it was the initial life-form... It had enough of being its own reality, it wanted to experience something else... it was anxious to know what it meant to have diversity, variety and ultimately, what it is like to "be together"... Because of this enormous, uncontrollable desire, a new reality erupted out of the Protobeing... and our universe was formed..." LAGORGE : "Incredible... And this eruption, was that... the Big Bang?" BETA : "Indeed, Commander. In fact, now I understand the purpose of the protomatter ; it was used to close the gap out of which this universe has emerged, like the fluid that heals a wound. According to doctor Keplar's memory, the plasma which formed the initial state of the protomatter, was organic." RICARD : "Organic? That would prove that the universe indeed erupted out of a living entity... Doctor Keplar was obviously destined to become a brilliant scientist... His death is such a loss for the scientific community..." BETA : "Captain...? Where is doctor Keplar's body? I want... to see it... And I would like doctor Flusher to join us." RICARD [worried] : "Beta? Are you alright? You look a bit pale..." BETA : "That is how I always look, Sir... But I do feel uneasy, because of a choice I have to make..." In Sickbay, doctor Flusher is standing next to Keplar's dead body, when Beta and his captain enter... FLUSHER : "Here is doctor Keplar's body, just like you asked, but what exactly do you want with it? I already did a thorough autopsy..." BETA : "All I can tell you, Doctor, is that I want you to stand ready..." Puzzled, Ricard and Flusher look at each other, unaware of the emotional pain that Beta is going through, as he faces the most difficult decision in his existence... BETA [with a lump in his throat] : "Please connect doctor Keplar to the artificial life-support, Doctor..." FLUSHER : "But Beta, he's dead!" BETA : "Yes Doctor, but that might change..." Reluctantly, Flusher connects some electrodes to Keplar's head and body. Then, the orange-blue energy that once entered Beta, now emerges as an aura, slowly leaving the android's body and entering that of doctor Keplar... FLUSHER [startled, shocked, dazed & confused] : "My God! I'm reading life- signs! He's alive! Quickly, nurse, give me 300 cc of tetrazine!" RICARD : "You gave away your life... to save his. Now I understand how difficult it must have been for you to make this choice... I'm so sorry you had so little time to enjoy your humanity, Beta." BETA : "As I no longer have feelings, I cannot feel regret. According to my ethical program, I did... the right thing. Besides, I will always carry my emotional experiences within my internal database." RICARD : "In the end, you are probably more human than any of us. After all, you gave your life for someone else. What more could you possibly do?" BETA [laconic] : "Give him back his memory. Which is precisely what I will now attempt to do." FLUSHER : "Doctor Keplar is in a deep coma, but he should regain consciousness in a few days." RICARD : "That is hopeful news, Doctor. Keep me informed on any change in his condition." When Beta has finished reinstalling Keplar's memories, he and Ricard return to the Bridge. RICARD : "Mr. LaGorge, I want you and Beta to dismantle Alpha. And then I want YOU to put him back into his crate, Mr. Morf... for good, this time!" MORF : "Of course, Captain!" Alpha's body is taken apart chip by chip, to ensure that no one will ever be able to put him back together again. Piker likes the built-in clock so much, that he decides to wear it around his wrist. When the disassembling is done, Morf and his Security Team carry away the bodyparts. When they reach Cargo Bay 3, they hear a strange noise... MORF [entering the Cargo Bay] : "It is coming from that crate! It sounds like the battle-cry of a Cling-On Krah'Toc! This beast is extremely dangerous and must be approached with caution... [sneaking to the crate] Phasers on heavy stun!... Fire!" Hearing the sound cease, Morf takes a closer look inside the crate... MORF [disappointed] : "Hmmm... I believe I made a slight mistake... It is NOT a dangerous animal, unfortunately... [tapping his communicator] Morf to Doctor Flusher... you are needed in Cargo Bay 3..." Meanwhile, on the Bridge... RICARD : "Maybe now we can finally go and take a look at the centre of our universe... I can't wait to see it! What about you, Number One?" PIKER : "Of course, Sir! I would also like to... [suddenly staring into the distance, before falling over like a rock]" LAGORGE : "Commander! Are you alright?" BETA : "Aha. He is wearing my brother's built-in reactivation clock. It must be interacting with his own biological clock." RICARD : "You mean, it's making the normal operation of his body impossible?" BETA : "In the contrary, Captain. It is actually improving its functionality. In fact, this is how commander Piker would always be, if his biological clock was working properly..." RICARD : "Er... could someone remove that thing from his wrist? [sighing] Could we please set course for the location of the Bing Bang now, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "I thought you would never ask, Sir." Back to Cargo Bay 3... FLUSHER : "So, that should take care of the worst wounds..." O'RYAN [slowly recovering from his horrible experience] : "...He just grabbed me and locked me up inside that crate! Boy, my throat is completely sore... I was yelling for help the whole time, but nobody heard me... [looking at Morf accusingly] until Security "gently" tried to free me... Doctor, can you check if there is no permanent damage to my vocal cords?" FLUSHER : "Your voice sounds extremely raw, enough to drive everyone up the wall... In other words, the same as always. Possible damage has therefore been permanent for quite a while now..." O'RYAN [coughing] : "I think I had enough of the hazardous life on board the Lesserprize... On the way back, I would like to be dropped off at Dip Sauce 9, so I can serve under commander Cis & co." Let's now return to the Bridge... BETA : "We are nearing a huge mass of protomatter, Captain. It is approximately 35 billion kilometres in diameter." LAGORGE : "Normally, protomatter can't be seen, but the computer can create a virtual image of it, based on the sensors' readings, and combine it with the real view on the screen. That way, we get a pretty good idea of what we're looking at." RICARD [straightening his jacket from excitement] : "On screen!" LAGORGE : "Wow! It looks like an enormous eruption that is frozen in time and space! It's magnificent..." RICARD : "What an imposing sight... So this is where it all started... The origin of the universe as we know it... A humbling thought, isn't it, Number One? Makes you feel rather insignificant..." PIKER [yawning] : "If you say so, Sir..." BETA : "Indeed intriguing, Captain. From here, star systems and galaxies spiralled out into the void, to form the universe. Therefore, the exact centre of the mass is the absolute reference point for the motions of all astral bodies, which can thus be described using a three-dimensional Carthesian map superimposed over -" RICARD [bored] : "Save it for a rainy day, Mr. Beta..." BETA : "But, it never rains in space, Sir." RICARD : "Precisely..." LAGORGE : "According to the sensors, there are lots of openings in this, er... structure. Couldn't we give it a proper name, Captain?" RICARD : "Let's just call it... the "Nucleus of the universe", or simply "The Nucleus"..." PIKER [not impressed] : "How original..." RICARD : "Something wrong, Commander? You look a bit tired. Your biological clock is obviously still working too well..." PIKER [sleepy] : "Hmpf..." MORF [who has returned from Cargo Bay 3] : "Sir! Somebody is watching us!" In front of The Nucleus, two enormous, transparent eyes are indeed closely observing the Lesserprize... RICARD : "Who... or what, is that?!" PIKER [no longer sleepy] : "Those eyes... The same as in my vision... Captain, I would like you to meet... Birch!" RICARD : "So this is the mysterious apparition that has brought us here... [with a sudden awareness] I cannot explain, but... I am convinced that we are able to steer the ship through one of the naturally formed tunnels inside The Nucleus, leading to its centre..." MORF : "The eyes appear to be moving to one of the holes, Captain." RICARD : "She's showing the way... Let's follow her." Guided by the enchanting gaze of Birch's eyes, the Lesserprize nears an opening within The Nucleus. LAGORGE : "It's an enormously long shaft, wide enough for us to fly through it, Captain. That's strange... Sensors cannot register anything beyond a certain distance." MORF : "Maybe some kind of shield. This could be a trap, Captain!" RICARD : "Somehow, I just can't believe that, Mr. Morf. Besides, I'm really curious to know what awaits us..." Going further and further through the shaft, everyone on the Lesserprize suddenly experiences a weird sensation... RICARD : "Mr. Beta, what has just happened? I feel so strange..." BETA : "We seem to have entered a fold in space, Sir. The sudden change in space-time is probably causing a feeling of disorientation." LAGORGE : "A fold in space? That must be why the sensors didn't pick up anything!" PIKER : "But why does everything look so... flat?" RICARD : "Now that you mention it, Number One, you no longer seem to be the only one with a rather flat personality..." BETA : "The geometry inside this fold seems to be two-dimensional, Sir." LAGORGE [fascinated] : "Yeah, the structure of the universe is obviously changing as we get closer to its origin..." BETA : "We are entering another fold in space, Captain. The structure of this fold is apparently one-dimensional." PIKER : "That would explain why everyone is looking a bit thin right now..." RICARD : "Then this situation must be very suited to your linear way of thinking..." LAGORGE : "A third fold is nearby, Captain! It looks as if we are about to lose our only remaining dimension..." PIKER [worried - about his ego] : "We'll be reduced to a point..." But when the Lesserprize enters the point-reality, it appears to be back in a normal three-dimensional part of the universe... RICARD : "Mr. Beta, give me a scan of this sector." BETA : "We are no longer in the Omega Quadrant, Captain. To be accurate, we are somewhere in uncharted space." LAGORGE : "This must be an inverted universe, within the point-reality!" BETA : "There are indeed theories that would support this hypothesis. Normally, a point is conceived as the absolute absence of space, but only in relation to the space around it. However, just like space is only bound by the points inside it - but unbound externally, a point is only bound by the space surrounding it, hence internally infinite. It would appear we have now entered such an internal universe." PIKER [baffled] : "Maybe it's because my brain is now the size of a point, but I'm getting a headache from all this theorizing..." MORF : "It appears that the apparition which you call Birch is on an apparent heading for a planet that is apparently class-M, Captain." BETA : "That is indeed apparent." RICARD : "Any life-signs on that planet, Mr. Morf?" MORF : "Curious... there seems to be only one living thing on it, Captain. It is a humanoid female. The apparition is now directly above it... The eyes have vanished, Sir!" PIKER : "Good. I don't like to be watched... Except when I'm showing off, of course." RICARD : "I want to form an Away Team and take a look down there... Number One, I would like you and counselor Toy to join me. You have the Bridge, Mr. Beta." As the Lesserprize gets in orbit around the mysterious planet, Chief O'Ryan beams the Away Team to the surface. But instead of rematerializing, Ricard finds himself in a weird situation... RICARD [riding on the back of a galloping horse] : "What the...?!" HORSEMAN [riding at Ricard's side] : "Oh come on! Use your sword, man, and slay those thugs!" With a few swift gestures, Ricard effortlessly hacks his way through a bunch of attacking rogues. RICARD [surprised of his own skill] : "It's as if I've done this all my life...!" HORSEMAN [descending from his horse] : "Well that IS why you are my best knight! What's wrong, Ricard?" RICARD : "You know my name?!" HORSEMAN [ironical] : "Nah, never seen you before...! And I suppose you don't know who I am?" RICARD [hesitating] : "I... I have the feeling that I know you, but..." HORSEMAN [getting nervous] : "Oh, really? Well I'm honoured! Now cut the crap and do your job!" RICARD : "Er... my job?" HORSEMAN [patiently] : "Alright, I'll play along with your little game... You're supposed to put these villains on the back of the horse and carry them to the prison where they will be locked up. Remember? Let's go now, I want to return to my castle." RICARD : "Of course, my Lord... Leothar! You are King Leothar!" LEOTHAR [sighing] : "Thanks for telling me..." Although Ricard wonders how he got into this strange world, he somehow feels part of it... RICARD : "(I know that I do not belong in this world, and yet, it feels like I've always lived here... It's as if my mind has been placed inside the body of someone who exists in another reality... As I'm wearing this medieval kind of costume instead of my normal uniform, I can't contact my ship... The only thing I can do is play along and hope that I will find a way to get back to my own reality...)" Later, in the castle. King Leothar and all his knights are gathering around a large table for supper. LEOTHAR : "Ricard here was in a funny mood today... Weren't you, Ricard?" RICARD [slightly embarrassed] : "Er... I guess I was a bit distracted..." KNIGHT #1 [laughing loudly] : "Thinking of his beloved Birch again, no doubt!" RICARD : "(Birch...!?)" KNIGHT #2 [chewing on a chicken] : "Well, he'll have to retrieve the Sword of Wis, before he'll have the chance to live out his fantasies!" KNIGHT #3 [pouring himself a huge pint of wine] : "If he succeeds, we will know for sure that he is indeed the most noble among us, for only the pure of heart can hold it!" LEOTHAR : "Aye, but I'm sure he'll find it, no matter how deep it has sunk into the dephts of the Deadly Swamps! Isn't that so, Ricard?" All laugh heartily as Ricard chokes on a piece of bread when hearing what is expected of him... RICARD : "Oh, the Sword of Wis! [trying to be funny] And then I can go and slay a dragon with it, hahahhahah!... [noticing the king's sceptical look] ...hah..." LEOTHAR : "And what's so amusing about that? I thought you feared dragon Ignor so much?" KNIGHT #1 [still laughing loudly] : "He must have drunk away his fear with a bit too much wine!" RICARD : "(Dragon Ignor...)" KNIGHT #2 [finishing his chicken] : "That poor Birch is too afraid to leave her own castle, with that nasty monster flying around all the time!" KNIGHT #3 [opening a new bottle of wine] : "She may be a powerful sorceress, but even her magic is ineffective against that evil creature!" LEOTHAR : "The sooner you find that sword, the better it will be for all of us." RICARD [resolute] : "Fine. I'm tired of hanging around here, anyway. Maybe I'll finally discover what's going on." LEOTHAR [with an expression of surprise on his face] : "Are you leaving already? And you haven't even finished your supper..." RICARD : "Thank you very much for the delicious meal, my Lord, but I already ate a bit too much..." KNIGHT #3 : "Why don't you have another glass of wine? It'll give you courage..." KNIGHT #1 [no longer laughing] : "You should get some sleep! Going on a long trip with a full stomach isn't very sensible..." RICARD [standing up] : "That is very considerate, but I made up my mind... I will see you all later, then." LEOTHAR [concerned] : "Take care, Ricard... I wouldn't like to lose my most valued knight!" Ricard leaves the castle, somehow aware of the route he has to take in order to reach the Deadly Swamps. Along the way, he notices how one of the planet's two suns always remains in the same place, while the other one moves across the sky, much like the sun on Earth. Obviously, Ricard did eat a bit too much, as he suddenly sinks into the ground... RICARD : "Hey!?... [recovering from the shock] This looks like some kind of tunnel... Considering its diameter, I hope I don't run into the mole that made it..." VOICE [trembling] : "H-Halt! Who g-goes there? You b-better not be a member of the East-clan! Then y-you are under arrest!" Surprised, Ricard turns round, expecting to see this "talking mole", but all he sees is a very short person, holding a lantern and a shovel in his hands... RICARD : "(A dwarf?) Er, my name is Ricard. I was on my way to -" DWARF [bold - sort of] : "Silence! B-Be quiet when you speak to me! Er, and I'm saying this in CAPITAL LETTERS, so be V-VERY afraid!" RICARD : "Don't worry, I mean you no harm..." DWARF [wildly swinging his shovel] : "And don't try to intimidate me w-with that huge sword of y-yours! I'm not that easily scared, so you b-better - [accidentally hitting his own face] Ouch!" RICARD : "I'm sure... If you put down that shovel and tell me who you are, maybe we can discuss this like -" DWARF [pointing the shovel at Ricard] : "I told you b-before! I'm not afraid of y-you!" RICARD [raising his voice, annoyed] : "Put that down and tell me your name!" DWARF [dropping his shovel in panic] : "Er... my name is Azol." RICARD [calmly] : "Well, Azol, can you please tell me what is going on?" AZOL : "The two clans are at war! All dwarfs used to live together peacefully, but recently, the symbol of our unity has disappeared. The leaders of the East-Clan and the West-Clan see this as a sign to fight each other for a place on the throne! The East-Clan is evil, of course, but don't worry, I belong to the West-Clan, and we are the good guys!" RICARD [doubtful] : "Of course..." AZOL : "My leader will be pleased if you want to fight for him! We could use the help of a strong human!" RICARD : "Er, I prefer to stay neutral, thank you..." AZOL : "Oh..." RICARD : "This symbol of unity, how did it disappear? Could someone have stolen it?" AZOL : "You cannot steal a rainbow!" RICARD : "A rainbow?" AZOL : "The Rainbow of Harmony! Long ago, a powerful sorcerer created it, down by the Great Waterfall. He did it to unite our people, as a token of gratitude for helping him with his work." RICARD : "Can you take me to it?" AZOL : "Of course! This way! I just dug this tunnel myself. Great workmanship, don't you think?" RICARD : "Er, very... tunnel-like..." As the dwarf leads Ricard through a maze of tunnels, the sound of water gushing down grows louder. Eventually, they reach a damp underground cave. RICARD : "You said that the leaders of the two clans want to claim the throne... What happened to your former king?" AZOL : "Although he was dethroned when the two clans decided to fight for leadership, king Dronac still resides in the Royal Cave, behind the Great Waterfall... It's just beyond this cave." Exiting the cave, they arrive in a gigantic underground cavern, where the waterfall thunders down into a river, dividing the cavern into an east and west side. RICARD : "Extraordinary... A subterranean river..." AZOL [pointing to the waterfall] : "That is where the Rainbow of Harmony used to be, but now it's gone. What a shame..." As Ricard knows, a rainbow is formed when direct sunlight shines upon drops of water, but the cavern is only lit by diffuse light coming from torches. He looks round for an opening that could let the sunlight through, but he can't find one. Instead, a rather large stone catches his eye, as it seems to be stuck in the east side of the cavern... RICARD : "Hmmm... Has that stone always been there?" AZOL : "Can't say I ever noticed it before." RICARD : "I would like to take a closer look..." AZOL [trembling again] : "I'm n-not g-going there! That's w-where the East- Clan lives!" RICARD : "Calm down! I will go alone." AZOL [reassured] : "Well, you can get there via the Royal Cave. There is a narrow passage leading to it... This way." The dwarf guides Ricard to the entrance of the Royal Cave and shows him another narrow passage, that gives access to the east side, but refuses to accompany him any further. Once Ricard reaches the territory of the East-Clan, he immediately investigates the big stone. RICARD : "(I can feel a draught coming from behind this stone... I bet it's a shaft, leading to the surface. Somehow, the stone must have fallen into the shaft and become stuck at this end, blocking the sunrays that cause the rainbow to appear...)" With his suspicions confirmed, Ricard returns to the Royal Cave. RICARD : "I have something important to tell king Dronac... Can you introduce me to him?" AZOL : "My pleasure! Follow me!" King Dronac is quietly sitting on his throne, when he suddenly jumps up, frightened at the sight of a human entering his dwelling. DRONAC [upset] : "Azol! What's the meaning of this?!" AZOL : "Don't be afraid, Your Majesty! This is Ricard, a friendly human!" DRONAC : "A friendly human? Hmmm... And how did he get here, anyway?" AZOL : "Er... He fell into my tunnel..." DRONAC : "Oh Azol! How many times have I told you not to dig so close to the surface?! Hmpf... What do you want, human?" RICARD : "I believe I have, er, "found" your missing rainbow, Your Majesty..." DRONAC : "You have recovered the Rainbow of Harmony?! I'll have to see it to believe it! Show me!" RICARD : "If you would be so kind to wait until I have... put it back at its rightful place, I will inform you when I'm ready." DRONAC : "Alright, but you better not trick me! I want some respect! I'm tired of people looking down on me!" RICARD : "Well, you ARE a bit small..." AZOL [whispering to Ricard] : "(My king is in a bad mood, since he has lost his authority.)" RICARD : "I'm sure the presence of the rainbow will restore the people's faith in you, Sire..." DRONAC [not convinced] : "I hope so..." Ricard leaves the Royal Cave and walks to the stone on the east side of the large cavern. Using his sword, he can just reach the stone and eventually manages to get it out of the shaft. As soon as the stone is removed, light from the stationary sun shines through the shaft and falls upon the Great Waterfall, creating a rainbow that visually connects the entrances to both the eastern and western caves... RICARD [satisfied] : "(Being so tall, I'm sure commander Piker would have had an easier time dealing with that stone, but I'm glad I got it out...)" What Ricard doesn't know, is that Piker is living through his own version of exactly the same events, in a parallel reality... PIKER [standing under the stone on the east side] : "(Damn! I can't get this stone loose! If only I hadn't lost my sword while fighting with that bloody Azol... Maybe I can find a piece of rock or a large stick to knock the stone out of the shaft...)" Looking round for something useful, Piker turns his back on the stone, which it doesn't seem to appreciate too much, as it suddenly has enough of lamely being stuck and decides to go for a roll... PIKER [turning his head] : "Hey! What the hell... No, I don't wanna be crushed again!" Back to Ricard... RICARD [inside the Royal Cave] : "If Your Lordship would like to follow me, the rainbow is back where it belongs..." DRONAC [anxious] : "I want to see that with my own eyes!" AZOL : "You can also use mine if you want, Sire!" DRONAC : "Oh shut up, Azol!" King Dronac is so enthusiastic, that he runs out of the Royal Cave in front of Ricard, who almost steps on him... DRONAC : "Watch where you're going!" RICARD : "Forgive me, I didn't expect you to go there..." DRONAC : "Then watch where I'm not going!" When king Dronac sees the Rainbow of Harmony, he can't hold back his emotions... DRONAC [jumping up and down] : "Incredible! It's back! How did you do that?!" Ricard realizes that revealing the scientific reason for the rainbow's appearance might forever destroy the balance of power within the dwarven kingdom, so he decides not to tell the dwarfs how he really made it reappear. RICARD : "Oh, just a little bit of magic that I learned along the way..." DRONAC [with awe] : "You must be a powerful sorcerer! Are you an apprentice of Wis, who created the rainbow?" RICARD : "I'm afraid not... But I am looking for something called "The Sword of Wis"..." Still somewhat flattened after his "rock 'n roll" experience, Piker also inquires about the legendary sword... DRONAC : "That sword was once created by Wis to fight an evil creature... When it was killed, the sword was thrown into the Deadly Swamps, so it would never fall into the wrong hands. But, according to the legend, it can be retrieved by someone who is worthy, in case our lands are in danger again." PIKER [typically over-confident] : "Obviously, there couldn't be anyone more worthy than me, as I was chosen by king Leothar himself to look for the sword and use it to slay dragon Ignor... Do you know how I can get to it?" DRONAC : "You are in luck! The Dwarven Oracle knows its exact location! Normally, humans are not allowed to visit the oracle, but after what you have done for us, I grant you the right to see it. Come, I will take you there." The dwarven king and Ricard arrive in a small cave, somewhere behind the Royal Cave. At the back, a dwarven face is carved into the rock. DRONAC : "Here is the Dwarven Oracle... Through its left eye, you can see where the Sword of Wis was once left behind by its creator." King Dronac opens the stony left eyelid, revealing an eye made of glass... RICARD [looking through the eye] : "(This is some kind of lens, acting as a telescope...)" When using the primitive telescope, Ricard sees a tall stone, standing upright on a path across the Deadly Swamps. RICARD : "Thank you for letting me see the way to the sword, Your Highness." DRONAC : "It is the least I could do in return for bringing back the Rainbow of Harmony! I will summon the leaders of the clans to look upon it, and this senseless war will be stopped. But first, Azol will lead you to the world above, so you can fulfill your destiny. I wish you good luck!" Azol shows Ricard a way up to the surface and says goodbye. When the second sun sets, Ricard reaches the Deadly Swamps and vaguely distinguishes a tall stone in the distance... RICARD : "(That's the stone I saw... Now I must find the path leading to it... I'm glad one of the suns is almost gone. It's getting a bit cooler now...)" But Piker disagrees... PIKER : "(Too bad that sun is going down... I was just getting a nice tan, to impress the ladies.)" After finding his way to the stone in the middle of the swamp, Piker wonders what he has to do next... PIKER : "(No sign of the sword... Some more indications would have been welcome... Those oracles aren't what they used to be...)" A somewhat more attentive Ricard discovers a hidden inscription by scraping off the moss which covers the lower part of the stone... INSCRIPTION : "THOSE WHO HAVE THE WILL, CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS" RICARD : "(Hmmm... The stone itself is shaped like a miniature mountain... I wonder if I can push it... Yes, it's falling over!)" Frustrated, Piker deals with the stone in a less gentle way... PIKER : "Hell, I'm tired of waiting for nothing to happen! And this stupid stone isn't helping a bit! [violently kicking the stone] Damn you!" To Piker's surprise, the stone turns over and a grating noise becomes audible, as if a mechanism is activated. Then, a large, round, stony platform rises out of the water, just over a meter away from the border of the swamp. In the middle of the platform stands a piece of rock, with several swords sticking out of it, all differing in size. PIKER : "I've heard about "The Sword In The Stone", but this is ridiculous..." Carefully touching the surface of the platform with his left foot, Piker decides it is stable enough and steps onto it. Once again, there is an inscription, but this time it isn't covered by moss, so even Piker notices it. INSCRIPTION : "THE BIGGER THE SWORD, THE QUICKER DEATH COMES" PIKER : "(Well that's obvious... With that huge sword in the middle of the rock, it won't take long to defeat the dragon...)" Pulling the biggest sword out of the top of the rock, Piker smells a strange odour coming out of the opening where the sword used to be. Feeling dizzy, he realizes too late that it's a toxic gas, subdueing him. As he falls unconscious, the platform sinks back into the Deadly Swamps... Will Ricard understand the true meaning of the inscription? Let's find out... RICARD : "(Despite what the inscription says, that big sword looks difficult to handle... But perhaps that's just it, maybe the inscription refers to the person who uses it, instead of its victim... In that case, this very small but light and easy to use dagger might be the right choice... Besides, in this kind of silly fairy-tales, modesty always prevails...)" Anxious, Ricard carefully pulls out the dagger... Suddenly, another mechanical noise arises from beneath the swamp's surface, and a magnificently shining sword shoots out of the water, held by an arm covered in lace. Ricard, who can cite each word out of even the cheapest novel, immediately recognizes the scene... RICARD : "(Hmmm... This is very reminiscent of king Arthur receiving the sword Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake. Wis the Sorcerer obviously saw the movie, but using the arm of a plastic doll, that's a bit gross...)" Reaching out for the sword, Ricard can just grab hold of it and the hand releases its plastic grip. RICARD [admiring the sword] : "(So this is the Sword of Wis... I never saw such a highly polished sword in my whole life... It's like a perfect mirror...)" Glad to have succeeded in his quest, Ricard sets off in search for Birch the Sorceress. He regrets not having his horse with him, but he knows that in this strange world, noble quests must be achieved on foot - nobody said life was perfect in fairy-tales... After a long walk, he finally perceives a small castle upon a large hill (well, the inverse would have been a bit silly)... RICARD : "(At last I will meet the mysterious Birch... I wonder what she's like...)" Passing the final tree that stands between him and the castle of the sorceress, Ricard feels something strange happening to him ; It's as if all the molecules in his body are being rearranged, while still remaining the same person... PIKER [rematerializing] : "No! I don't wanna drown!" TOY [also beaming down onto the planet's surface] : "Bill? What's wrong?" RICARD : "I'm wearing my normal uniform again..." TOY [confused] : "Why are the two of you acting so strange?" RICARD : "I will explain later... [tapping his communicator] Chief O'Ryan, what happened?" O'RYAN [with a still sore throat] : "Er, I don't know what you mean, Captain... You just beamed down as planned, together with the others." RICARD : "That's impossible! [orienting himself] I come from a castle, about 10 kilometres north-west of that forest over there... [turning round] It's gone! Nothing but wasteland..." O'RYAN : "All I can detect at that location are ruins, Sir." TOY [impatient] : "Will you please tell me what's going on?" RICARD [sighing] : "It's hard to explain, but I was on some sort of medieval quest..." PIKER : "That's a coincidence... I was also on a quest, to retrieve a magic sword." RICARD : "Hmmm... I am beginning to understand... I believe commander Piker and myself were somehow transported into a kind of reconstruction of this planet's past. It was clearly some sort of test..." PIKER [upset] : "Nobody has the right to put me through a test without asking me first! Someone will answer for this!" RICARD : "Did you at least find the Sword of Wis?" PIKER : "Er, I decided to dive into the swamp and look for it, but it was too dark, so..." RICARD : "I see... Well, I found it, but I no longer seem to have it with me. It was very shiny, it almost hurt my eyes..." TOY [noticing something glittering] : "Captain! Against the trunk of that tree! Isn't that a sword, covered with moss?" RICARD : "You're right, Counselor... It has the same shape as the Sword of Wis. It seems I'll have to scrape off some more moss..." PIKER : "Allow me, Captain. I wanna see the thing that I have virtually died for!" When Piker reaches for the sword, a flare of yellow-green energy leaps from it and knocks him to the ground... RICARD : "Obviously, it doesn't like you very much, Number One..." PIKER [getting up] : "Obviously... Ouch!" TOY : "Did you hurt yourself?" PIKER [with a painful grimace] : "No, it's fun to sprain your ankle!" TOY [tapping her communicator] : "Toy to Doctor Flusher... You are needed on the surface." A few seconds later, Flusher beams down to treat Piker's foot. FLUSHER : "So, that should do it." PIKER : "Thanks, Doctor." RICARD : "I would like you to join us, Beverage, in case of more sprained ankles..." FLUSHER : "My pleasure, John-Luke. I'll stick around to keep you on your feet." RICARD : "Splendid. Then it's my turn to deal with this sword..." Carefully touching the sword, Ricard notices that nothing happens, fortunately. Firmly holding it and pulling it, he notices the same thing, unfortunately... RICARD : "I can't move it... [tapping his communicator] Mr. Beta, I need a couple of strong hands..." BETA : "Understood, Sir." Soon, Ricard gets exactly what he asked for... RICARD [tapping... etc.] : "Mr. Beta, what's the meaning of this?!" BETA : "I have done precisely as you asked, Captain. But please send back my hands as soon as possible, because it is rather difficult for me to operate the navigational console without them." RICARD [annoyed] : "Will you please beam down in one piece, Lieutenant?!" BETA : "Very well, Sir." Having beamed down the rest of his body, Beta puts his hands where they belong. Piker assumes that his electronic friend will have some trouble doing so... PIKER : "Can I give you a hand?" BETA : "I do not think your hand is compatible with my synthetic biosystem, or as humans put it, I do not think it would "grow on me". Besides, I prefer my own hands. Thank you for the offer anyway." PIKER [blankly] : "I just meant if I could be of some assistance..." BETA : "Oh. Thank you again, but as being helpful is not one of your strenghts, I will not ask you to do something unnatural." PIKER [even more blankly] : "You're very considerate..." BETA : "Furthermore, my hands attach themselves automatically." RICARD : "That's very, er, handy..." Back in one piece, Beta is ready for the job at hand... RICARD : "I would like you to pull this sword out of the ground. Can I count on you, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "No, Sir." RICARD : "I beg your pardon?" BETA : "I am an android, not a calculator." RICARD : "Er, sorry for having offended you..." Although the Sword of Wis is planted firmly into the ground, Beta manages to pull it out quite easily. He then scrapes off the moss at the speed of light and hands over the sword to Ricard. PIKER : "Do you have any idea why the sword happened to be right here, Sir?" RICARD : "It seems more and more likely, that we relived the experiences of someone who really lived on this planet, long ago. He must also have brought the sword here. After using it, he probably left it near that tree, as a reminder of his heroic deeds." BETA : "Do you want me to return to the Lesserprize, Captain?" RICARD : "Now that you're here, maybe you could come with us, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "There is no way of telling, Sir. According to the laws of probability, an infinite number of things could happen, so... [noticing the annoyed look of his captain] However, these same laws also predict your nervous system to overload if I explain all the possibilities, so I will simply say : Yes, Sir." RICARD [sighing] : "A wise choice, Mr. Beta..." Just as the Away Team leaves for the castle, two familiar individuals beam down nearby... PIKER : "I believe we have company..." RICARD : "It's captain Myway!" BETA : "And Constable Dodo." MYWAY [shaking hands] : "It's good to see you again, Captain Ricard." RICARD [blushing] : "The feeling is mutual, Captain Myway! How did you find us?" MYWAY [still shaking hands] : "We found you by following the ion-trail left by your ship's engines. I must say, I was worried when we suddenly entered a black void and our sensors didn't pick up anything anymore. It looked as if we were lost again." RICARD : "Oh, you simply entered The Nucleus... I will tell you all about it if you have the time." DODO [politely coughing] : "Actually, that's precisely the reason we're here. StarForce expects your report from the Parabolus Science Station. They tried to contact you, but they never got a reply. As I was the last person to speak to you before you disappeared, they asked me to investigate the matter. Just when I made preparations to go and look for you, the Tourist docked at Dip Sauce 9." MYWAY [finally letting go of Ricard's hand] : "I had only just filed my report of our meeting with the Lesserprize to StarForce when we arrived there. Shortly after we docked, StarForce ordered us to take Constable Dodo with us and assist him. So, here we are!" PIKER [moaning] : "No matter where you go, even if you crawl inside a point, StarForce never gets off your back..." RICARD : "I will send my report as soon as I get to the bottom of this situation..." MYWAY : "Personally, I have no problem with that, but I must warn you that admiral Kuirk is getting very impatient." PIKER : "Admiral Kuirk? He was once the captain of the starship Yesterprice, arrogant and always trying to seduce alien females. But now he's fat, lazy and big-headed... [broadly smiling] Yeah, he's always been and always will be my idol..." BETA : "I believe it would be impossible to reach StarForce now, as we are inside another universe. That is also why we did not receive any messages from StarForce since we travelled through The Nucleus." RICARD : "Then admiral Kuirk will just have to wait." DODO : "In that case, you can report to me first." RICARD : "Fine. Why don't you join us? I can tell you everything along the way." TOY : "It seems our Away Team is getting bigger all the time..." PIKER [grinning] : "Yeah, let's have a party!" On the way to the castle, Ricard explains to Myway and Dodo about the strange things that have happened, while Piker gives a positively twisted account of his medieval adventures to Toy and Flusher. Then, they arrive at the gates of Birch's dwelling... TOY : "I sense a presence from behind those gates... Yes, it is Birch!" PIKER : "According to what king Leothar said, this Birch must be an extremely dangerous witch, so I would set my phaser to kill, Dianne." TOY : "All I sense is anxiety, but nothing threatening..." PIKER : "Well nothing is going to change my mind!" Suddenly, the gates swing open gently and a diminutive, rather cute looking girl with short, rainbow-coloured hair greets the Away Team with an irresistably charming smile. PIKER [patronizing] : "Just like I said : nothing to worry about, Counselor!" BIRCH : "Hi, I'm Birch. Why have you come to see me?" PIKER : "Well you guided us here, didn't you?" BIRCH [puzzled] : "Sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about." PIKER [irritated] : "What? First you pin me down on my bed, telling me about this "great danger" that is threatening the universe, then you lead us to this planet where I nearly drowned, and you're telling me you know nothing? Come on!" BIRCH [upset] : "Pin you down on your bed? I have no business with your perverted fantasies! Too bad you didn't drown completely! You have five seconds to apologize, before I turn you into a toad!" PIKER [agitated] : "You...!" TOY [grabbing Piker by the arm] : "(Don't make it any worse, Bill! I sense that she is being sincere...)" PIKER [still angry] : "(Then she has a very short memory, for being such a "powerful sorceress"!)" RICARD : "(Maybe I can talk to her... After all, I am the one who found the Sword of Wis.)" TOY : "(But how will you explain the things that commander Piker said to her? She's very offended.)" RICARD : "(I think I know a way...)" PIKER : "(You're not going to make me look ridiculous, I hope?)" RICARD : "(Don't worry, Number One. I will tell her about your importance and loyalty, in a way she understands...)" TOY : "(I hope it will work...)" RICARD [to Birch] : "My name is John-Luke Ricard, and these are my friends. We come from... a very distant land. Please forgive what this person has said, he's just my servant, as well as the local village idiot." PIKER : "(Thanks a lot...)" BIRCH : "Fair enough, but that still doesn't explain why you are here." RICARD [apprehensively holding up the sword] : "Er, I was chosen to retrieve the Sword of Wis, and here it is!" BIRCH : "Is that supposed to mean something to me?" RICARD [feeling a bit silly] : "Er... it means I'm worthy of being your fiancé..." MYWAY [disappointed] : "Oh... I'll be going then. Please don't forget to send your report to admiral Kuirk." RICARD : "Er..." FLUSHER [upset] : "Fiancé?! I will never talk to you again! If anyone needs me, I'll be on the Lesserprize!" RICARD [desperate] : "But Beverage..." BIRCH : "I'm sorry, you can show me all the Swords of Wis you like, but you're just not my type..." PIKER [amused] : "Dumped by three women at the same time, Captain? Must be a new record, since I never even managed that!" RICARD [not amused] : "Hmpf..." BIRCH [seeing Myway and Flusher beam up] : "Aaah! How the flicking flockers did they do that?! They must be mighty witches!" RICARD : "Oh, er, in our village, we are all skilled in the art of magic! It's our favourite pastime!" BIRCH [impressed] : "Really?! Then you are all most welcome! Please follow me!" Everyone enters the castle, as Birch enthusiastically leads them into her quarters... BIRCH : "This is my place, make yourselves comfortable. There's the bathroom, that's my kitchen, this leads to the cellar and up there is my bedroom - [raising a warning finger] none of your business, hehehheh!" PIKER : "Thank you for your hospitality and let me apologize for my outburst a few minutes ago..." BIRCH : "Don't mention it! You were just doing your job, after all. And I must say, you can really act like a lunatic! Are you always that professional?" PIKER : "Er..." BETA : "Commander Piker never misses an occasion to show us his many useless talents, especially when he is not aware of it." BIRCH : "And who are you? You look a bit sick..." RICARD : "This is... an enchanted puppet, called Beta." BIRCH : "Wow! Your magic is really very strong!" RICARD : "He is created to resemble a human being in every detail, for example his hair -" BETA : "- which, like yours, Sir, doesn't grow either. Very perceptive, Captain." RICARD : "Er... quite. The only thing he lacks are emotions." BIRCH : "Not exactly a party-animal, then...?" TOY : "I can sense that you are a very lively person, easily bored and always looking for something new and interesting to do." BIRCH : "How do you know? I'm chuffed! Nobody ever understood me like that, you know." TOY : "That's because I'm telepathic." BIRCH [scratching the orange part of her hair] : "What does that mean?" TOY : "The prefix "tele" means "from a distance", while "pathic" -" BIRCH : "- is short for "pathetic", right? Oh! People can already see from a distance that you're pathetic!? Yeah, that's completely clear to me now!" TOY [sighing] : "Never mind..." DODO : "I am constable Dodo. I am a shapeshifter. [Demonstratively moving differently shaped cups around the table] I shift shapes, see? Actually, it means that I can change myself into anything I want, [in Toy's ear] even a piece of chocolate in several flavours!" TOY [waking up out of her day-dream] : "Someone said "chocolate"?" BIRCH : "Why do you have such an expressionless face?" DODO : "Every night I return to my natural liquid form, so the next morning I have to change back into my humanoid appearance. I always have trouble remembering the exact shape of the face, so I keep it very simple. It's not only my human form that gives me trouble, I also have problems dealing with typically human emotions." BIRCH [pointing at Toy] : "She can help you! She's tele-pathetic!" TOY [day-dreaming again] : "There must be a lot of large rooms in this castle..." BIRCH : "Not at all. This is it." TOY : "What?! Only five small rooms in this castle? It looks so big on the outside..." BIRCH : "That's probably because the walls are ten metres thick... Well, a girl living alone needs some protection, you know? Especially with that evil dragon flying around!" PIKER [to Ricard] : "(I thought dragon Ignor was a creature of the past...)" MORF [talking through Ricard's communicator] : "Captain, another life-form has just emerged on the planet's surface! It is rapidly approaching your location! It is some kind of large, flying animal..." RICARD : "(Obviously, it is also a creature of the present...)" TOY [panicking] : "I can sense something nearing us! It is filled with all sorts of negative emotions! Its intentions are extremely hostile!" RICARD : "Everyone stay calm! Birch, can you tell me anything about this dragon?" BIRCH : "It circles around quite often at this time of day. Nobody ever succeeded in slaying the beast, as magic and weapons are ineffective against it. It is said that its petrifying gaze is more dangerous than its fiery breath. That's all I know..." Then, a glowing orange-blue aura appears around the Sword of Wis. Ricard, who is still holding it, also becomes enveloped in the strangely coloured light... RICARD [as if in trance] : "I have to follow the dragon... You must all stay here..." PIKER : "It is my duty to make sure nothing happens to you, Captain! Please let me accompany you!" RICARD : "You must remain here..." As Ricard leaves the castle, Piker can't stand the idea of lamely watching his captain walk off into danger, so he decides to follow him anyway. This is not because he cares so much for his superior officer, but because the others might think he's a coward - and he wouldn't want the others to confound his tendency to self-preservation with cowardice, now would he? PIKER : "(I hope that sword will do its job before anyone gets hurt... Maybe if I'm lucky, that monster forgot its matches, so it can't make fire...)" Hearing the shriek of the approaching dragon, Ricard snaps out of his trance and defends himself with the sword. However, the huge reptile seems to be more interested in someone else - and sadly, it appears it didn't forget its matches... PIKER : "UUAAAAAHHH!!!" BIRCH [deeply respectful] : "Man, it's a tough job being a village idiot, but he's a perfectionist..." Lying on the floor with a serious tan, Piker wished he never got out of bed this morning. Feeling victorious, the dragon takes off into the sky... A concerned Ricard tries to call doctor Flusher, but she is obviously still angry with him and refuses to beam down. Yet, someone else rematerializes near the crisp and well-cooked dragon snack that is also known as commander Bill Piker... RICARD : "How come that you always beam down when you're needed most?" HOLO-DOC : "Because that's my job." PIKER [groaning from pain] : "Maybe, but that's no way to address a StarForce captain! Someone should teach you some manners!" HOLO-DOC [treating Piker's wounds] : "Obviously, you're in no condition to do that." Now that the dragon has disappeared out of sight, Birch and the others come out of the castle. BIRCH : "Who are you?" HOLO-DOC : "My friends call me H.E.M.P., but you can say "Holo-Doc"..." BIRCH : "Hello Doc!" HOLO-DOC : "Er... right..." RICARD : "I'm sure Ignor will return soon, so you all better go back inside the castle. Meanwhile, I'm going to the dragon's lair." BIRCH : "But how will you find it?" RICARD : "I have a feeling this magic sword will show me the way." BIRCH : "Well, see ya later..." RICARD : "I certainly hope so... And, no more heroes, Number One." PIKER : "Don't worry - Ouch!" HOLO-DOC : "Please lie still!" Anxious, Ricard continues on his way to dragon Ignor's lair, mentally guided by the Sword of Wis. Along the way, he wonders why Birch doesn't seem to know anything about the sword or anything else that has happened, except for the existence of the dragon. His thoughts are interrupted, as two transparent eyes suddenly appear before him in the sky. The voice of Birch speaks in his mind... BIRCH : "Remember, Captain... the Sword reflects one's true self..." RICARD : "Birch? I thought you didn't know anything about this sword... And why are you talking in riddles?" But the eyes are already disappearing, when he notices a large, circular wall in the distance. When he gets closer, he is struck by a horrifying sight... RICARD : "(My God... that stone wall... It's made up of hundreds of petrified bodies!)" The familiar shriek of Ignor, coming from behind the wall, defies Ricard to climb it and face the dragon. The captain remembers what Birch told him... RICARD : "(Birch said that Ignor's look can be petrifying... That's how this wall must have been formed ; each valiant warrior that failed to resist the dragon's deadly gaze, was turned into stone, thereby automatically becoming another piece of it. And now it's my turn to climb it...)" Reluctant, yet determined, Ricard starts climbing the pile of petrified warriors, fearing he might join them for eternity. Reaching the top of the wall, he sees the dragon hovering a few feet above the ground, hissing as it relishes the thought of adding another victim to its diabolical masterpiece. Ricard does his best to avoid looking straight at Ignor, but he can't help noticing how the eyes of the monster start to glow very brightly. He knows he has to act quickly... RICARD : "(It's too late to attack the dragon... Throwing the sword at it doesn't seem wise, as the force of the throw might not be enough to kill it... What must I do?... I'm running out of options...)" Then, everything seems to be over for Ricard, as the wicked beast mercilessly fixes him in its sights... RICARD [fearing that all is lost] : "(I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to my dear ship... And what will become of it, now that commander Piker will be captain? Oh, I don't want to think about it, just let it all end...)" Seeing a bright flash coming from the dragon's eyes, Ricard instinctively covers his own eyes with the Sword of Wis... RICARD [surprised to be still alive] : "(My body... it doesn't turn into stone... [looking at Ignor] What's wrong with it? Its brown skin is becoming very pale... The sword! Birch said it reflects one's true self... it must have returned the evil force to its sender...)" The dragon shrieks again, but this time from pain and agony. As the tail of the abominable reptile twists and curls, the monster falls down. Defeated, the hideous creature slowly starts to turn into a large heap of sand, while a yellowish green gas escapes from it and evaporates into the sky. Following the death of Ignor, the grotesque wall, once the symbol of the dragon's invincibility, changes into a big, round sand-hill. RICARD : "(May the souls of those brave warriors find eternal rest...)" Relieved to have slain the evil dragon, Ricard returns to Birch's castle, where the others are busy talking to the cheerful little sorceress. DODO : "... But I prefer to change myself into an Elorian Gondol-Bird, to sneak past enemies. [How he manages that is anyone's guess, as this animal is as big as a house...]" BIRCH : "Wicked! Gosh, you're all a bunch of really interesting people! I never have many visitors, you know? So I'm very excited to talk to all of you!" DODO : "So I've noticed..." BIRCH : "I just love to talk, you know?!" ALL TOGETHER [annoyed] : "Yeah, we know!" TOY : "There's the captain! I told you he would succeed!" Walking up the hill to the castle, Ricard is welcomed by cheers from his friends. TOY : "As soon as I felt the malicious energy from the dragon fade away, I knew you were victorious! Congratulations, Captain!" RICARD : "Oh, it wasn't me, actually. This sword deserves all the credit." BIRCH : "What's so special about it, anyway?" RICARD : "Er... aren't you the one who told me, on the way to Ignor's lair?" BIRCH : "How could I have done that, silly? I stayed here the whole time, remember?" RICARD : "Er, of course... Tell me, Birch, what kind of magic can you do?" BIRCH : "Well, I'm good at healing things and working with herbs..." PIKER : "And you didn't do anything to help me when I was hurt?!" BIRCH : "Of course not! I didn't want to spoil your brilliant performance!" PIKER : "(Grmpf...)" RICARD : "Are you sure that is all you can do?" BIRCH : "Oh, I'm no match for you lot! Actually, I am able to do some other things occasionally, but I don't know why it happens." HOLO-DOC : "I was just wondering, Miss Birch..." BIRCH : "Yeah, what's up, Doc?" HOLO-DOC : "This plant over here looks very pessimistic. Could you cure it?" BIRCH : "My pleasure!" Birch carefully touches a leaf from the plant and closes her eyes. Quickly, the curved stem of the plant becomes straight again and even begins to blossom, producing lovely pink little flowers... HOLO-DOC [analysing the plant] : "Amazing... The cell-growth has been accelerated by a factor of 123..." RICARD : "That's an extraordinary gift. Were you born with it?" BIRCH : "I was always fascinated by plants, but I only learned to do this after the incident..." RICARD : "Incident?" BIRCH : "I guess you could call it a near-death experience. It was really freaky... It happened seven years ago, when I was going into the mountains to collect some rare herbs. I didn't realize I was so close to the edge of this cliff, when I suddenly slipped and started to slide down. I was so surprised and so scared, that everything seemed to happen in slow-motion. And then, the weirdest thing happened. I felt how... copies of myself left my body, while I seemed to drift away from them. I saw these different versions of me holding on to different parts of the cliff, but they all came loose and I fell each time, except in one case, where I found a stone that could support me. Then, I was pulled back into my body and I immediately took hold of that stone, so I managed to save myself. Ever since that happened, I feel strange powers within me." PIKER [hopeful] : "I had a couple of near-death experiences myself on this planet... Maybe now I'll also have some special powers. Can you sense a change within me, Dianne?" TOY : "Except for that sudden excess of self-interest? No, not really." RICARD : "Birch, how long has it been since you last saw someone, before our arrival?" BIRCH : "Oh, the last time I had a visitor was a few days ago... He said he would slay Ignor for me and come back to tell me. In case he would perish, his servant would plant his sword next to the tree at the foot of this hill. So far, I haven't seen him... Was there a sword near the tree?" RICARD [diplomatic] : "Er, the only sword I have seen in your land is my own, which I found in the Deadly Swamps... Your visitor probably couldn't find the dragon's lair and returned to his castle." BIRCH [reassured] : "Yeah, that'll be it..." PIKER : "You said you had a visitor not so long ago, but you're the only living person on this planet. Apart from this castle and the vegetation on this hill, everything is wasteland and ruins..." BIRCH [amused] : "Hehehehheh! You're the real thing, aren't you? Always playing the fool!" PIKER : "(Grmbl...)" RICARD : "I hate to break up the party, but we have to continue our travels..." BIRCH [disappointed] : "Already? Oh, well... I guess it's goodbye then." RICARD : "I regret that we must leave, but we might return here one day." BIRCH : "I will never forget what you did for me. Now I can finally leave my castle again without fearing for my life." RICARD : "It was the least I could do in return for your hospitality." BIRCH : "It was great meeting all of you! I can't wait until your next visit!" TOY : "The feeling is mutual." BIRCH [to Piker] : "I will especially miss you, you funny guy!" PIKER : "I'm sure you will..." Eager to return to their ships, Ricard and the others leave the castle, where a somewhat saddened Birch waves them goodbye... PIKER : "I just don't get it, Captain. She isn't even aware that she's completely alone on this planet... It seems so absurd that only this hill and everything on it has remained intact, while everything else has decayed as time went by." RICARD : "That is indeed a mystery, which we will have to solve on board the Lesserprize. Mr. Beta, I want you to take a sample of the soil on this hill, as well as some of its vegetation. We can analyse it on the ship. [tapping his communicator] Chief O'Ryan, six to beam up..." Back on the Lesserprize, Ricard enters Sickbay, where doctor Flusher is sitting behind her desk... RICARD : "Doctor, may I ask you to examine these soil-samples? Commander Beta will assist you in the Biolab." FLUSHER [refusing to look up from her paperwork] : "That depends..." RICARD : "Still upset about what happened on the planet?" FLUSHER [slamming her medical book onto the desk] : "Well what do you think?!" RICARD : "Try to understand, Beverage! What I said wasn't real..." FLUSHER [accusingly] : "And neither were your feelings for me, apparently! [jealous] Besides, what's with you and captain Myway? I saw how you held hands!" RICARD : "Oh... That didn't mean anything, Bevy! It's just a... mutual understanding between captains. You know how it is..." FLUSHER [angrily snatching the samples out of Ricard's hands and leaving Sickbay] : "I sure do! And don't you patronize me, "Captain"!" RICARD [sighing] : "Women..." Joined by Ricard, Beta and Piker in the Biolab, Flusher has calmed down a bit, only to get excited once again, due to the results of the tests... FLUSHER : "John-Luke, this is incredible!" RICARD : "What is it, Beverage?" FLUSHER : "These plants... don't seem to grow." PIKER : "Has your artificial intelligence come up with an explanation, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "No, Sir, but I do not believe your superficial intelligence would allow you to understand it anyway." RICARD : "If the vegetation from that hill on the planet doesn't grow old, then perhaps neither does Birch... That would explain why she is still alive, while the rest of the planet's population has become extinct." FLUSHER [checking her medical tricorder] : "Wait a minute! I scanned her... You're right, her cells don't age either!" PIKER : "But why her?" RICARD : "Whatever the reason, I'm convinced it has something to do with her near-death experience..." All of a sudden, LaGorge talks through Ricard's communicator... LAGORGE : "Captain, I think you ought to get back to the Bridge... we have an unexpected guest..." Back on the Bridge, Ricard, Piker and Beta see how someone is slowly being materialized. PIKER : "That looks like..." RICARD : "Birch! She's being teleported onto my ship! Chief O'Ryan, who gave you permission to beam this person aboard?!" O'RYAN : "What? I didn't beam up anyone, Sir. [mumbling to himself] (I can't wait to get off this flying madhouse...)" RICARD : "But how..." BIRCH [completely materialized] : "Phew, I thought I would never get here... [looking around in amazement] Hey, what a great place is this! Wicked!" RICARD : "May I ask what you are doing here?" BIRCH : "Sorry to drop in unannounced, but I had this urge to see you again, so here I am!" RICARD : "You mean... you beamed yourself aboard?" BIRCH : "Well, I don't know exactly how I did it, but I saw you do it and when I concentrated real hard, I somehow felt that I could do it too... I guess it worked because I was feeling extremely lonely again after saying goodbye. My powers always manifest themselves whenever I'm very emotional." RICARD : "That's quite interesting... And I suppose you would like to be guided around the ship now that you're here, but I really -" BIRCH : "Oh thank you! I would love to see the rest of your ship! It's really cool!" BETA : "The environmental systems are nevertheless optimized to provide a well-balanced temperature that is beneficial to the health of most humanoid species." BIRCH [perplexed] : "What? I never thought puppets would talk like that... I had a lot of dolls when I was a kid, so I'm glad they never talked back!" RICARD : "Counselor, why don't you take our guest for a walk, so you can show her some interesting parts of the ship." TOY : "Come along, Birch. Let's go to a more exciting place..." BIRCH : "OK, I won't distract you any longer. I wouldn't want you to steer the boat into the rocks because of me!" While Birch follows Toy out of the Bridge, a strange yellow-green gas leaves the planet's atmosphere and moves towards the Lesserprize... PIKER : "How did she manage to beam herself up? She shouldn't have been able to do that." RICARD : "She seems to possess powers that she isn't even aware of. She really is very unique..." PIKER [suddenly a bit irritated] : "Well I'm also very unique and damn proud of it too!" VOICE : "Says who?" Shocked by the familiar sound of the voice, Piker turns round, only to see himself... PIKER #2 : "In case you didn't know, I'm the real Piker!" But someone else has a different opinion... PIKER #3 : "I wouldn't be so sure about that! It's obvious that you're all fake! Morf, take these imposters and lock 'em up!" PIKER #4 : "Hey, who's giving the orders here?!" PIKER #5 : "Well I am, of course!" PIKER #6 : "You don't seem to realize that I'm the one in command!" PIKER #7 : "Stay out of this, you big bully!" PIKER #8 : "Oh, just shut up, all of you, and follow my orders!" The "original" Piker starts to feel dizzy and then blacks out... RICARD : "Number One? Everything alright? You look a bit distracted..." PIKER [puzzled] : "Er... It seems I had another of those hallucinations... I imagined there were several clones of me walking around on the Bridge. It was horrible..." RICARD : "I can imagine the shock of seeing others like yourself hanging about on my ship... Heaven forbid... You still seem to be a bit shaken up by everything that happened lately, so why don't you take a break and spend some time on the Holo-Deck?" PIKER : "I might just take you up on that offer, Sir. I feel like I'm wasting my time here anyway." RICARD : "Can't argue with that..." PIKER : "Permission to leave the Bridge, Captain?" RICARD : "Granted, Number One. Whenever you feel fit and ready to waste some more time on my Bridge, you may return to passive duty." After Piker has left, everything seems to be unusually calm and peaceful... RICARD : "Mr. Beta, why isn't anything strange happening?" BETA : "This is obviously the quiet before the storm, Captain." RICARD : "It's very unlikely that a storm would occur in this part of the galaxy, Mr. Beta..." But then, a yellow-green cloud is formed in front of the Lesserprize and a bolt of energy escapes from it, violently attacking the ship... BETA [calmly shaking in his chair as the vessel receives a serious blow] : "You are in error, Sir." RICARD [tumbling to the floor] : "Mr. Morf, damage report!" MORF [still standing upright, hanging on to his honour] : "Shields down to 28%! Serious damage to the engines! Power transfer to life-support systems is failing! Hull-breach imminent on Deck 4! And in my private quarters, that beautiful Cling-On vase fell over and broke into a thousand pieces! Growl!" LAGORGE : "Captain, a mysterious cloud is shooting some kind of energy bolts at us!" RICARD [crawling to his chair] : "Suggestions, Mr. Beta?" BETA : "I would advise you not to stand under a tree, Captain." RICARD : "Mr. LaGorge, any information on that cloud?" LAGORGE : "According to the sensors, it's... alive, Captain!" RICARD : "On screen!" The strange cloud obviously doesn't like to be observed, as it suddenly starts to change shape out of frustration... RICARD : "What the devil is that?!" When Ricard says this, the entity starts to take the appearance of something like a demon and suddenly breathes an enormous cloud of fire at the Lesserprize... LAGORGE [holding on as the Lesserprize shakes once again] : "I don't think you should have said that, Sir!..." RICARD : "Fire all phasers and photon-torpedoes!" MORF : "My pleasure, Captain!" Spraying all its fire-power at the gruesome appearance, the Lesserprize doesn't seem to make any lasting impression... MORF : "It has no effect, Captain!" RICARD : "There is one thing we haven't tried yet... Use the Black Ray, Mr. Morf!" MORF : "Right away, Sir!" This time, the cloud-like demon is perforated by the starship's strongest weapon. Furious that its prey has the audacity to fight back, the amorphous entity unleashes another fiery blaze upon the almost defenceless ship. Thrown forward out of his chair by the violent impact, Ricard lands painfully with his chest onto the sharp edge of the navigational console that is operated by Beta... BETA : "Are you bleeding, Captain?" RICARD [moaning from pain] : "No, I always carry a pocket of ketchup inside my shirt... Aaahh..." With his eyesight fading, Ricard can only just see how Counselor Toy enters the Bridge, still in the company of Birch... TOY [panicking - as usual] : "Captain! I sensed that you were severely injured! Are you alright?" RICARD [in agony] : "Nothing serious, thank you... I'm only dying..." BIRCH [startled to see Ricard's lethal wound] : "Ricard! No, I cannot let you die!" Completely enraged and dismayed by the prospect of her new friend dying a useless death, the little sorceress suddenly finds the force to concentrate and focus all of her healing powers into one point, causing an orange-blue energy to flow from her hands, straight into Ricard's open wound... TOY : "His wound is healing incredibly fast! How did you do that, Birch?" BIRCH [surprised by her own abilities] : "I... don't know... It just happened..." TOY : "Captain? How are you feeling?" RICARD [looking around] : "How wonderful... so this is the interior of a "spaceship"..." TOY : "He seems to be delirious..." RICARD : "And the sensations within this body, so complex and diverse... Experiencing all of this, it feels like finally waking up..." BETA : "That is precisely how I felt when I was possessed by... Are you... the Protobeing?" RICARD : "I don't know what I am, Beta. All I know is that I have always existed, without real purpose, except to exist... I never thought about it, since I didn't have the faculty to think, only constantly aware of the emotions that rule so many lives... Always drawn to strong feelings, becoming addicted to them..." Ricard's philosophical monologue is suddenly interrupted when the inaudible shriek from the evil entity outside echoes through the minds of all those on board the Lesserprize... TOY : "That creature... it emanates the same evil emotions of bitterness and frustration as dragon Ignor!" MORF : "The "dragon" prepares to launch another attack on us, Captain! The shields will not survive another hit!" LAGORGE [stumbling as the vessel suffers another blow] : "Shields are down, Sir! We'll have to redirect power from all secondary systems if we want to raise them again!" RICARD : "Make it so, Mr. LaGorge!" Meanwhile, Piker is in Holo-Deck 3 - yes, a secondary system - and prepares for a refreshing dip in a virtual lake, unaware of what is happening in the real world... PIKER [diving] : "This will do me some good... Here we go!" Then, the holographic environment - with water and everything - disappears... PIKER [crashing to an unexpectedly hard floor] : "Ouch!! [whining] I wanna go home to mammy!" Despite having its shields back, the Federation vessel is still very vulnerable. Just when the hideously shaped entity is about to strike again, another starship flies between it and the Lesserprize... MORF : "It is the Tourist! The ship is hailing us, Captain!" RICARD : "On screen, Mr. Morf!" BIRCH [seeing Myway appear on the viewscreen] : "Wow! A magic window!" MYWAY : "I have monitored the situation, Captain. We were exploring the nearby planets, when we detected the formation of the gaseous entity. When we saw that it started to attack you, we immediately came to the rescue." RICARD : "We owe you our lives, Captain Myway." MYWAY : "Don't thank me too soon... [giving orders to fire at the entity] Take this, dragon-breath!" RICARD : "That won't have any effect, Captain... I must ask you to move aside, so we can destroy the creature ourselves." MYWAY [whispering from astonishment] : "But you'll be destroyed..." RICARD : "You have to trust me, Jane... I am the only one who can eliminate this evil." Still recovering from his wound, Ricard slowly walks to Morf's tactical console. RICARD : "You are dismissed, Mr. Morf." MORF [reluctantly stepping aside] : "Aye, Captain..." As Ricard lays his right hand upon the console to fire the Black Ray, an orange-blue light emerges from his hand and enters the circuitry that activates the weapon. Twisted around the invisible beam, a strangely coloured stream of energy now strongly increases the already destructive power of the weapon and mercilessly pierces the malicious entity. Upon receiving the devastating blast, the atrocious creature spits blood-red clouds of fire, uttering its final cry as it eventually evaporates into the void... RICARD [exhausted] : "I hope I will never see that ugly part of me again... [falling unconscious] Ahhhh..." MORF [catching Ricard] : "Captain!" Meanwhile, Piker is on the way to his private quarters in search of a spare uniform, as his original one disappeared on the Holo-Deck... PIKER [bluffing his way passed some officers who amusedly stare at his swim- suit] : "What are you lookin' at? This is a standard uniform, in accordance with new StarForce regulations!" Now let's go back to Ricard, who has regained consciousness on the Bridge... FLUSHER : "How are you feeling, John-Luke?" RICARD [slowly opening his eyes] : "It's nice to see you care for me again..." FLUSHER : "Don't push your luck!" BETA : "Is the Protobeing still within you, Captain?" RICARD : "No... It left my body when I activated the Black Ray... All that remains of its presence, are a few vague memories. I especially remember a strong awareness of being connected with all life in the universe, as if I was able to mentally touch beings that live all over the galaxy." TOY : "That explains why I sensed so many different personalities and emotions coming from you, but somehow... indirectly, as if you were merely a gateway to all those lives." RICARD : "Indeed, Counselor. This Protobeing could be compared to... a central computer, connected to a network of terminals. But as it doesn't have a real mental structure, it cannot make logical decisions or communicate with us in a way we can understand." BETA : "When the Protobeing spoke through you, it said that it was addicted to strong emotions, Sir." RICARD : "Well, to continue the comparison, you could say it is compelled to access those terminals that send out strong signals to it. If two of these terminals are linked, it sometimes gives them access to each other. For example, twins or people who are deeply involved with one another, can sometimes feel each other's emotions. It doesn't do that out of kindness, but to make those feelings even stronger. In some cases, it even creates hallucinations to provoke hidden or suppressed feelings, hopes or fears." FLUSHER : "That would explain the unexplained hallucinations of the crew, so they are no longer unexplained." BETA : "A plausible explanation indeed." TOY : "Just before you lost consciousness, you mentioned that the evil entity was a part of you, Captain..." RICARD : "That's right, Counselor... What attacked us was in fact a manifestation of all the negative emotions of the Protobeing itself ; its own ignorance and inability to get through to us, led to frustration, bitterness and hatred... Only the compassionate side of the Protobeing, which was in me, managed to destroy it." FLUSHER : "Yeah, yeah, you're goodness itself... (yawn)" The philosophical debate is interrupted as Piker, who finally puzzled together a spare uniform from pieces he found in the dustbins of some old lovers who rejected him, enters the Bridge. PIKER : "I noticed there was a red alert... [seeing Beta, Toy and Flusher gathered around Ricard, who is sitting on the floor] Captain, are you alright?" RICARD : "We were attacked by an alien being, but we were able to defeat it..." PIKER : "It probably knew that I was returning to duty, so it ran off! Don't worry, Sir, I'm here now!" RICARD : "That makes me feel very reassured... Counselor, can you brief commander Piker on what has happened?" TOY : "Right away, Captain." After a two-hour briefing, Piker has finally got the picture... PIKER : "You mean, that thing was the Protobeing's evil side?" RICARD : "You got it, Number One." PIKER : "Yet, there is still one thing I don't understand..." TOY : "I was afraid of that..." PIKER : "Why was Birch possessed by the Protobeing in the first place?" RICARD : "I suspect she got in contact with it during her near-death experience. Her fear must have been so intense, that the Protobeing was drawn towards it. As Birch doesn't seem to know she is possessed, I assume the being has become an integral part of her. Whenever she is very emotional, it manifests itself by lending her its powers." PIKER : "By the way, where is she now?" TOY : "When the captain fell unconscious, she was getting a bit bored and left the Bridge." RICARD : "I still have to thank her for saving my life... Could you go and look for her, Counselor?" TOY : "Yes, Captain." FLUSHER : I still wonder why Birch doesn't age..." RICARD : "Counselor Toy mentioned how Birch is always so full of energy... The Protobeing must have grown so fond of her because of this vitality, that it decided to grant her that one wish : to stay forever young..." PIKER : "But she must be really fed up with being alone, even if she isn't aware of the passage of time..." RICARD : "Absolutely, Number One. But I think I have an idea... [standing up, supported by Beta] I am going to pay a short visit to the Tourist. In the meantime, you have the Bridge, Commander." PIKER [intrigued] : "Aye, Sir..." Having been beamed onto the Tourist, Ricard is immediately welcomed by captain Myway. RICARD [holding hands again - tsk, tsk] : "Thank you again for helping us, Captain Myway!" MYWAY [emotionally whispering] : "Don't mention it... but please, call me Jane..." RICARD [blushing heavily] : "Er... of course, Jane..." MYWAY [with a firm voice] : "So, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?" RICARD : "I came to ask you a favour... Could I speak to your holo-doc for a moment?" MYWAY [joking] : "Even two moments, just because it's you!" When the "two moments" have passed, Ricard returns to the Lesserprize. Shortly afterwards, Birch enters the Bridge with Toy... BIRCH : "Hi, Ricard! How's life?" RICARD : "I'm fine, thanks to you." BIRCH : "Hoi, Pikey!" PIKER : "The name is "Piker"... [whispering to Ricard] (I hate it when people don't take me seriously!)" RICARD [whispering back] : "(It's surprising to see that you're still not used to that, not even after all these years under my command...)" BIRCH : "You wanted to see me?" RICARD : "Actually, we have decided to make an extended visit to your... "land", as we have no immediate plans to travel elsewhere..." TOY [confused] : "But Captain, aren't we supposed to meet admiral Kuirk?" PIKER [blinking an eye at Toy] : "Don't you remember that we agreed to see him later?" TOY : "Er, oh, of course..." BIRCH [whispering to Toy] : "(He can't even say one sentence without pulling a funny face! He's great, isn't he?!)" TOY [doubtful] : "(He sure is...)" RICARD : "So, can we stay at your castle for a while?" BIRCH [excited] : "Naturally! I'm honoured!" RICARD : "Then I suggest that we leave immediately. Chief O'Ryan, five to beam down..." Once on the planet, Ricard, Piker, Beta and Toy don't seem to be in a hurry to leave soon. Surely, the Away Team can't stay "Away" forever, can it? Well, maybe this particular Away Team can... PIKER [on the Bridge of the Lesserprize] : "Using those holographic replica's was a mighty great idea of yours, Captain!" TOY : "Holographic replica's?" RICARD : "That's right, Counselor. I asked the holo-doc to create projections like himself, to resemble you, me, commander Piker and lieutenant Beta. They each carry a program inside them, that controls their behaviour, based on our personal StarForce records. Just like Birch, they will never grow old. This way, she will no longer be alone..." LAGORGE : "Captain! Sensors indicate a sudden surge of energy straight ahead!" RICARD : "On screen!" TOY : "It's got that strange colour again..." RICARD : "Analysis, Mr. LaGorge?" LAGORGE : "Type of energy unknown, Captain... Wait, it's disappearing again... According to the sensors, it created a rift in the space-time continuum! [getting really excited] Sir, I am reading the presence of protomatter beyond the rift! It's part of The Nucleus, Captain!" TOY : "The Protobeing provided us with a direct way to known space..." RICARD : "It seems we are already being rewarded for our good deed, Number One." PIKER : "Considering all the things it put us through, it's the least it can do..." RICARD : "Mr. Morf, send a message to the Tourist, informing them to follow us. Mr. Beta, take us through the rift. [thoughtful] Farewell, Birch..." Both starships gently pass the rift and end up outside The Nucleus. RICARD [reluctant] : "Now that we're back in normal space, I guess it's time to have a talk with admiral Kuirk..." Ricard, who would rather trade his Galaxy Class starship for any ancient airplane than be stuck on the same planet as admiral Kuirk, enters his private quarters. He immediately notices a small light flashing on his pocket- computer, indicating that StarForce awaits a reply. Ricard turns on the monitor and sees admiral Kuirk, sitting lazily behind his desk. Standing next to him, is his old friend, Volcan ambassador Sock. RICARD : "Greetings, Admiral! And to you, Ambassador!" KUIRK : "Well, well, Captain Ricard... Did you finally decide to give StarForce a report of whatever it is you've been doing? It's long overdue." RICARD : "Er... It's nice to see you again, too, Sir. The reason I haven't notified StarForce of recent events, is that I am trying to find out exactly what's going on myself. As soon as I have figured out what it all means, I will naturally inform StarForce immediately." KUIRK [doubtful] : "Naturally... Tell me, Captain, do you really think you can fool me that easily? You take off for an unknown destination in an uncharted part of the galaxy, and you expect me to believe you don't know what's going on?" RICARD : "I assure you, Admiral, there are a lot of unexplained phenomena that need investigating before I..." KUIRK [upset] : "Don't you tell me about unexplained phenomena! You were still crawling around in diapers, when I was already cruising through the galaxy on board the Yesterprice!" SOCK : "...Receiving a few tickets for speeding along the way..." RICARD [slightly offended] : "And even then, I was already more civilized than you ever were! All you ever said was "Shoot to kill", slaughtering innocent aliens instead of trying to reason with them!" KUIRK [also offended] : "How dare you?! At least I grew some hair over the years!" RICARD [smiling] : "Oh? Is that why you are wearing that carpet-like wig?" KUIRK [shocked] : "What?! How did you know?! [bursting into (fake) tears] Boohoo! Ambassador Sock, say something!" SOCK : "It is hair, Admiral, but not as we know it..." RICARD : "And you still can't act!" KUIRK [no longer in (fake) tears] : "Grrr... I'll have you court-martialled for this! What do you think of all those insults, Ambassador?" SOCK : "It is logical, Admiral..." KUIRK [overacting again] : "But Sock! Boohoo, nobody loves me..." SOCK : "I must apologize for admiral Kuirk's irrational behaviour, but he's been under a lot of emotional stress lately... I'm afraid his latest Tackwar novels haven't sold too well. He must now get some rest, as he is to present a documentary series in which fictional accidents are turned into real-life drama, entitled "Don't call 911, we'll call you". Live long and pay your taxes, so StarForce can prosper." RICARD : "I will contact you again, once I have finished my report. Ricard out. [turning off his monitor] (Nasty old bastard...)" A few moments later, Ricard is glad to be on the Bridge again - just in time, it would seem... MORF : "A Ke'Tar vessel decloaking at starboard, Captain! No wait! There's... two... three... four... five... lots of them, Sir!" RICARD : "Glad to hear you can still count, Mr. Morf..." PIKER : "Shields and morale up! Copper-brown alert! (Ah, it felt good to say that again...)" The Lesserprize takes some heavy damage as the enemy ships fire without notice... MORF : "I suggest shooting at them with everything we've got, including the kitchen-sink!" PIKER : "Yeah, let's give 'em hell!" But when the Lesserprize fires its weapons, they are easily repelled by the enemy's shields... MORF : "Our weapons cannot penetrate their shields, Sir!" LAGORGE : "They are obviously generated by phase-variable quantum-inducers, Captain!" RICARD : "Er, obviously..." MORF : "I strongly recommend using the Black Ray on them, Sir!" PIKER : "Do it, Morf!" All of a sudden, the voice of Birch speaks inside Ricard's mind... BIRCH : "Do not give in to your fear, Captain..." RICARD : "Delay that order, Mr. Morf!" PIKER : "They are preparing to destroy us, Sir!" LAGORGE : "The main reactor is getting more and more unstable, Captain! If we want to have a chance to head for the nearest Starbase to repair it, we have to act now!" MORF : "We have to defend ourselves, Captain! The shields won't hold against this massive enemy force! Please, Captain!" RICARD : "No, we hold position and stay calm..." Just as everyone expects a tremendous onslaught to be unleashed upon the Lesserprize, everything goes blank for a moment and all is like it was two minutes before... MORF [confused] : "Er... No Ke'Tar vessels within sensor range..." PIKER : "How did you know, Captain?" RICARD : "I suspected as much... It was another illusion, created by the Protobeing, to feed on our fear. Luckily, I heard Birch in my thoughts, advising me to remain inactive." PIKER : "Why is it that when she comes to us like some kind of spirit, she is fully aware of what's going on, while she knows nothing when we see her in flesh and blood?" RICARD : "I think I understand how she fits into all of this ; the Protobeing has created a projection of the real Birch, to act as its own conscience..." TOY : "Will we ever really understand the Protobeing?" RICARD : "In my opinion, the Protobeing is simply Life itself, flowing through all of us. If only it could think, it might be able to make this a better universe, allowing all creatures to understand each other's needs..." PIKER : "I'm not sure I would like to be constantly governed by some all- seeing, all-knowing entity, even if it is Life itself." RICARD : "Maybe so, but that's not something we have to worry about right now. One day, perhaps..." PIKER : "Well I've got enough of all this philosophizing! Let's get out of here, Captain." RICARD : "Agreed. But before we go, we still have a job to do... Mr. Morf, see to it that every single piece of protomatter floating around The Nucleus disappears." MORF : "Gladly, Captain!" RICARD [noticeably happy] : "Meanwhile, you have the Bridge, Number One." PIKER : "Thank you, Sir!" TOY : "Captain? You seem to be unusually cheerful..." RICARD : "Oh, erm... I'm only going to pay a final visit to the Tourist... [smiling] nothing special!" TOY : "I see..." A bit later, in captain Myway's private quarters... RICARD [sitting on a couch close to Myway] : "What I really like about you, Captain Myway, is that you are always very radical. It's like your voice, either you whisper, or you talk firmly, no in-between stuff." MYWAY : "And what I like about you is your frankness, Captain Ricard. [which of these words she whispered and which ones she said firmly, is entirely up to the reader...] What happened to that sword of yours? You looked really handsome with it..." RICARD [getting even closer to Myway] : "That is of no importance... Even without a sword, I will slay all your dragons..." MYWAY [obviously whispering] : "Ooohh..." In case you were wondering, the rest is, of course, censored... THE END... INNOCENT BYSTANDER : "Oh really? Then what's the meaning of that yellow-green flash over th...? Aaahh!" Assorted comments ----------------- READER #1 : "The author has the arrogance to think his English is almost too good ; he must be a foreigner..." READER #2 : "He's clearly someone who hates all things Star Trek, and he just uses these stories to pick on the actors... Hey, where did that huge bird come from? No! Aaaaghh!" HUGE BIRD : Pick! Pick! Pick! Pick! Pick! [Hehehehheh!] Conceived and written by Thomas Stevens (09/05/96 - 24/08/96) Please feel free to offer any constructive (or destructive) criticism. You may e-mail me at "panu.ranta@iki.fi". I look forward to your replies and, keep your eyes peeled for new stories in the near future. Publishing of this story is not allowed without my authorization. You may pass on this story to your friends if you give me credit for it. If not, Birch's spirit will come and haunt you!
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