Captain John-Luke Ricard, who always baldly goes where everyone already went before, aboard his (t)rusty old bucket, the starship LESSERPRIZE.
Commander Bill Piker, First Officer ("Number One"), whose primary job is to maintain a poker face, giving the impression to be extremely important without ever having to do anything even remotely useful.
Lieutenant-Commander Beta, the android who desperately tries to imitate the silliness of his crewmates - and sometimes sadly succeeds admirably.
Lieutenant Morf, Chief of Security, who growls a lot in Cling-On language and continuously wants to drop dead with a lot of honour.
Lieutenant-Commander Jordi LaGorge, Chief Engineering, the techno-babbling engineer who enjoys looking through a hair-band and who obtained such a high degree in space-time theory, that he can repair a systems failure even before it occurs.
Doctor Beverage Flusher, head of medical staff, who is usually more concerned with her good looks than with her patients (except when it's a good-looking male, of course).
Counselor Dianne Toy, the ship's partly telepathic adviser, who has to take care of everyone's emotional problems, but who can't get rid of her own eternal obsession with chocolate.
Special guest : Björk as "Birch"...
